- Translation by: hikari-kaitou
Italy: Alrighty then, the next event is the bread race! Is everyone here? First let’s take a memorial photo. Everyone say “pasta”!
*click*
Russia: “Pasta,” huh? It’s a bread race, so I think it’d be more fitting if you’d had us say “pirozhki.”
Germany: More importantly, there’s no point in taking a memorial photo before the event even happens!
China: So we’re supposed to eat the bread and then hurry to the goal? I don’t really understand the rules. If it’s all the same to everyone else, why don’t we eat xiaolongbao instead?!
Japan: If we used those, they’d surely be too hot to eat quickly.
Romano: Hup! Hup! Hup! Who cares what we’re eating? Running is enough of a pain on its own. Why they hell should we have to do it while eating bread, you jackasses?!
Spain: Aww, c’mon, don’t be like that. Eat your bread and grow up big and strong!
Romano: Shut the hell up!
Germany: Alright, I’m gonna get first place so I can contribute my victory to the article! But hey, Italy… You know how to use that camera properly, right?
Italy: Of course I do! I just have to push this button, right? It’s simple!
Japan: That camera didn’t come cheap, so please be careful with it!
Germany: Right, I’m counting on you, then… It looks like the event is about to start. Here goes.
Announcer: On your marks… Get set… *bang*
Italy: *jumps* EEEEEK!!
Japan: Ahhh, Italy-kun! Please, hold onto the camera tightly!
China: *panting* What’s the point of running while eating a piece of bread? If it absolutely has to be done, why not use a palanquin or a horse?!
Russia: Your subordinates carrying it would shake it too much.
Romano: You assholes! What kind of fucking handicap are you gonna give me for the difference in leg lengths between me and these bastards, dammit?!
Germany: *panting* Alright, I’ve managed to keep first place so far! Now all I have to do is make it to the bread line!
Romano (in the background): You assholes, you assholes, you assholes, you assholes—
*Jump* *chomp*
Germany: What the hell is wrong with this French bread?! I can’t break it with my teeth at all! But I have to get through this part somehow! This is for the front page!!
Germany: *Jump* *chomp* *Jump* *chomp* *Jump* *chomp*
Italy: Tee hee hee! You remind me of a bunny, Germany! How cute!
Germany: Just shut your mouth over there!!
Romano: *reaches the bread line and jumps* What the hell?! The bread line is too damn high! You better get your asses out here, executive committee!
China: *jumping* What’s the meaning of this?! I can’t reach the line! It’s just as high as Germany’s! I have a bone to pick with you, executive committee! You better get over here before I call the people from my place with dragon tattoos!
[T/N: The mafia, maybe?]
Germany: Don’t say such violent things!
Russia: But he’s right, this does seem a little unfair. Ooh, I’ve got an idea!
Germany: What is it?
Ru: Kolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkol
Italy: *camera snaps* Eep! Awawawawa, the shutter just went off on its own! Awawawa!
Japan: I-it does seem like you’d be able to take a ghost picture with this atmosphere, doesn’t it? In a sense, this seems like it could make a front-page article on its own.
*thunk*
Everyone: Oh…!
Romano: You just made the bread fall! That’s cheating!
China: Not only is it cheating, but the bread is covered in dirt now!
Germany: And worst of all, your curse is causing some weird mystery liquid to start oozing out of the bread!
Russia: Aw, a little dirt never hurt anyone! People can eat the craziest stuff when they’re determined.
Germany: H-he’s unbelievable…
China: Russia’s the type of guy you definitely don’t want to make an enemy of…
Romano: I don’t give a shit about that! Just lower the bread line, you jackass! The event will never be over if we just keep standing here!
Japan: *calling from the sideline* That’s alright! There’s a moving anecdote at my house about taking 55 years to complete a marathon.
Romano: Like hell I’m waiting that long, dammit!
*******
Italy: And so, the results are as follows: first place- Russia, second place- Germany, third place- China, and Romano in last place.
Germany: I thought I had it in the bag…!
France: Hey everyone! How did the bread Big Brother baked especially for you taste? Was it so delicious that you just went wild?
Germany: So it was your fault.
Italy: Awawawawawa! Awawawawawa!
Germany: Hmm? What’s wrong, Italy?
Japan: In the photo of Russia crossing the goal line…… No, I better not say any more than that.