- Based on the Character Introductions from Axis Powers Hetalia Vol 2
- Translation by: splatteredminds
- LJ Post
Announcer: Hetalia and its Pleasant Companions.
Italy: Alright! It has started! Thisis the first Hetalia CD! And to you, the listener… ciao! If you’re a cute girl, that makes me even happier! *giggles*
Germany: *sighs and groans* Couldn’t you start things more calmly… or rather, in a more mature way?
Japan: Being energetic isn’t bad, Germany-san. I mean, look at me, I’m old. *sighs* I miss the vigor of the Shouwa generation.
[T/N: Shouwa Generation refers to the people born under the rule of the previous Emperor of Japan.]
Germany: Stop it with the bleak talk!
Italy: Say, say, Germany. Is that how you want me to be?
Germany: The only time I’d want to see you being bleak would be when you get turned down by a girl, or when they don’t serve ice cream at a meeting.
Japan: Ah, Italy-kun, take this. *hands a paper over*
Italy: Oh? Japan, grazie! U-uhm… We shall now proceed to our formal intro… Intro… du… Japan, how do you read this?
Japan: Ah, that is “on this wonderful day, when autumn breeze makes waves rise in the grain field.”
Germany: Why can’t you pretend you’re not reading from the script?
Italy: Ve. Then, I’ll just forget about the manuscript. Honey! I’m Italy! Italy, Veneziano. I love pasta, pizza, tomatoes, ice cream and cute girls! My hobbies are drawing and singing. And probably taking my afternoon nap, too. Also, I’m really good at cooking, and I really love my grandfather, and- *starts hiccuping*
Japan: Oh, the hiccups… Here. Please drink this water slowly.
Italy: Afterwards, I’m a sil- *hiccuping gets worse*
Germany: We can leave your introduction for later, so just keep quiet now! *slaps Italy*
Italy: Ouch, ouch, ouch…
Japan: Please introduce yourself in the meantime, Germany-san.
Italy: *hiccups* Uwahhhh! They won’t stop, Germany! *continues hiccuping* Ahhhh!
Germany: Hmph. I guess there’s no other choice… My name’s Germany. That’s all. Well then, are there any further questions? Please keep your questions concise and to the point.
Japan: Wasn’t that a bit too short?
Germany: I’m not very good at these things.
Japan: Very well then… This person here is Germany. He’s a bit on the grim and taciturn side, but he’s fond of cleanliness and is a very serious person. Because he’s so serious, it’s easy for him to go on a rampage. His hobbies are cleaning things, baking cakes and taking his dogs out for a walk. Also, he’s fond of beer… No. Rather than being fond of it, he very much enjoys it.
Germany: U-uhh… Yes, well, something like that. Why must I face such embarrassment from this early in the show?
Italy: Germany just loves my place, too! When they go on holiday, they crowd up my place! It’s so scary!
Germany: You could have not mention that! Hmph. Honestly… Hey, Japan, it’s your turn now!
Japan: Alright. Well then… *clears throat* Ah.. Ahh… Test, test. Ahh… On this day, we cannot express enough gratitude for our reception in such a wonderful place. As my thoughts race through the autumnal mountains in my long missed homeland, the autumn breeze and the waterfall of Otowa mix, soothing the heart.
Germany: Just get to the point!
Japan: Oh, really? I came up with this manuscript without sleeping last night, so it’s quiet shameful…
Germany: How thick… He could turn that thing into five different books!
Japan: Ehm, greetings. How fare thee? I’m Japan. Oh how splendid it is for highly trained sword skills never to be used. Recently, even I, owing to various circumstances, have been slightly lethargic, but I’m giving it my all once again.
Italy: Incredible… Japan knows a lot of difficult words.
Germany: Hm, did it stop?
*door opens and party poppers go off*
America: Hey, you guys! *chuckles* Sorry for being late!
Germany: Oh, it’s you. Hmm. Yes, you’re late, America.
America: Hahaha! I just needed to buy some Dun*in Donuts. The cashier and the guy in front of me were talking for two hours. Oh, that really got to me!
Germany: You should have yelled at them!
Italy: Eh? That’s rather commonplace, isn’t it?
Japan: The world is such a big place…
England: It was all his fault that we were late. Suddenly saying he wanted donuts and other nonsense.
America: I couldn’t help it, England! Donuts are my flesh and blood! And milkshake is what gets me full of energy.
Japan: Somehow, the ordinarily cute donuts look like a pretty grotesque thing now…
America: So, uhm, I wonder if it’s alright to introduce myself now. My name is America! I also go by U.S.A.! I like that name ’cause it sounds like I’m a superhero. Ah, and then… My hobbies are: Football, right? Basketball too, right? Then, I also like baseball. Hamburgers are our national food!
England: Oi, quiet down, please. If you kick up a storm, I’m the one who gets the complaints afterwards. Honestly…
Japan: *sighs* It’s so nice to be young… Well, England-san, would you please introduce yourself, if you don’t mind.
England: Oh, Japan, is that you? Alright. Introduce myself, is it? Well, my name’s England. My official name is Great Britain and, together with the Kingdom of Ireland, I have the second longest, most outstanding name in the world. But the problem is that students all over the world make fun of me for it. My country has a long history and a marvelous culture! We’re also known to be the most avid black tea appreciators. Furthermore…
America: The food’s just plain horrible.
England: Egh?! The food’s taste i-is purposefully subtle. If you cook it in the normal way, it’ll taste good.
America: Hahaha! You’ve always had a good sense of humor!
England: It wasn’t meant to be a joke!
France: I’m sorry to interrupt when you’re all so fired up, but I was wondering when it’ll be my turn.
England: Ah! France… What? You were here?
France: Indeed. Even in movies, the hero comes out at the right moment, getting the crowds excited.
Italy: Eh? Brother France, I’m the main character, though.
France: It’s alright, it’s alright. Say, Italy… if I give you this Financier, won’t you retrace your steps and try to make me the main character? And? It’s a nice trade, isn’t it? *chuckles*
Italy: Okay.
Germany: Hey! Stop trying to bribe Italy with food!
France: Ohhh~ Honestly, no matter how old he is, Germany will always be strict. I would think you could crush diamonds into powder with your head. Oh well, it doesn’t matter anymore. One or two main characters…
Germany: Just stop that and introduce yourself already.
France: Very well, mademoiselle. My name is France. I love all that is beautiful. I’m the country of Love and I use the words I speak to create more Love. That’s about it. The reason why the nation has so many extremists and so many strikes, or why even snails must pay their taxes, is England. So, no need to be afraid. It’s because of this guy, this guy.
England: Don’t make it my fault! Besides, doesn’t your national anthem have something to do with Austria?
France: Oh, I can’t hear a thing! Until the day the sullen blood comes to fill our fields-
England: Enough with you and death! Damn.
America: Hahaha! You two are always like this!
England: Since we met, you’ve always blamed me for everything, made me look like an idiot…
Japan: Oh yeah, I’ve just remembered something.
England: What’s with you, you twat?
France: Ahahahaha~
Italy: That’s right, they’re not here yet, Germany.
France: However, I’m the incarnation of true beauty, so I speak nothing but the truth.
Germany: I feel like something bad is about to happen…
England: Just keep quiet! I’ll rip off your beard and make you look like a punk rock star!
France: Then I’ll have your plan backfire.
*door opens as someone enters*
Austria: Oh, everyone’s quiet early.
Germany: Oh, it’s you? Today, I’ll say it clearly: You’re the one who’s late.
Austria: Well, that option is indeed also possible. However, Germany, in life, some sort of pastime is needed. If you stand and look around, I’m sure you’ll start to see things in a new light. A road I wasn’t aware of, buildings I didn’t know, and then a scenery I wasn’t familiar with…
Germany: Just admit that you got lost.
Austria: You dolt!
Germany: To be called a “dolt” by someone who’s late…
Italy: Austria-san, hello! People were just introducing themselves.
Austria: Oh, is it so? So, shall I do the same as everyone else and also introduce myself? Well then… Ah, Germany.
Germany: What is it?
Austria: This room lacks a piano so that I’m unable to introduce myself accordingly.
Germany: Just use your mouth for it.
Austria: *sighs* This dolt…
Japan: Ah, now that you mention it, I think someone is missing. Someone who usually went, “Kol kol.”
America: You’re talking about Canada, right? Oh, I’m sure he’s enjoying himself in the St. Helena Islands with all the grandmas and grandpas. It’s so funny how Canada says thing only old people would say even though he’s so young. Like “eat eggs every morning because it’s healthy for you.” Hahaha!
England: That’s not it. Say, Japan, you’re talking about… Uhm, you know… That guy who loves the South, right? I don’t think he needs to come, or rather, I don’t really want him to co-
Lithuania: *gasps* I’m terribly sorry! Mr. Russia is arriving now!
Italy: Ah, Lithuania! Ciao! What made you so late?
Lithuania: Ah, uhm… Hello, Mr. Italy. It was because… Just before coming here, we got caught up in a gift shop in Egypt, and, uhm… And a lot happened, and Mr. Russia… He was sent flying, afterwards…
*eerie harp chord plays*
Russia: Kol, kol, kol, kol…
Lithuania: Ah! I’m terribly sorry! I couldn’t possibly say it! I’m sorry! I’m sorry, Mr. Russia, everyone!
Japan: The people who are in his vicinity really have a hard time…
Russia: Zdravstvujtye! Good day, it’s me. I’m sorry to have been this late. It sucks when caviar gets stuck to your head in the snow! HAHAHA!!
Japan: I couldn’t possibly grasp how it’d look like.
Germany: Russia, is that you? We were at the part where everyone was introducing themselves, at the moment. And you’re no exception to the rule.
Russia: Eh? That sounds like fun! Then, I’ll be doing it too. Waa~ *tambourine shakes* Allow me to introduce myself! My name is Russia. I’m the largest country on Earth, but for a long time, I’ve been wishing for it to be a warmer place. I… My dream would be to live with the sunflowers surrounding me… Just kidding. Heheh!
Germany: To say such a cute thing with that physique…
Lithuania: T-then, I wonder if I can have a go at it, too? *clears throat* I’m Lith-
Russia: He’s Lithuania. He’s something like my subordinate.
Lithuania: Stop saying strange things like those! The “something like” part of your last sentence is making me anxious!!
Russia: Fufufu!
Japan: Italy-kun, with this everyone’s assembled, right?
Italy: Yes! We’re also done with the introductions, so we can get it started.
Germany: Wait a moment! You’re really planning to start it in such a mess?!
America: Alright! Then, let’s get rolling, shall we?
England: You… don’t think I’ll let you steal the spotlight again.
America: Let’s move the spotlight to Italy and get it started!
France: *chuckles* I’ll be counting on you again then, Italy.
Japan: So it is.
Russia: Even if it’s a bit late…
Lithuania: Let’s start the main thing!
Italy: Yes! Then…
Germany: That’s why, isn’t it better to make the introductions properly or talk a bit before-
Italy: I, 2…
Everyone: Hetalia!!
Germany: It’s not like these guys are ever going to keep their mouths shut. Am I so dense?
Japan: Please don’t be discouraged, Germany-san! Someday, someday they will change! Hopefully…