Everyone: W Academy story, The Not-Very-Efficient Newspaper Club
Narrator: This is W Academy, a large and mysterious school located somewhere in the world and attended by countries from all over. All that’s known about it is that it probably has a lot of commotion going on inside every day. Today’s story is about that school’s newspaper club.
Germany: Right, the reason I called you all here today is because of the approaching deadline for W Academy’s usual monthly newspaper. We’ve finished most of it, but there’s still one column that hasn’t been filled yet. Today’s task is to decide how that space will be used. By the way, if we don’t manage to fill that column on time, the student council has declared that it will be used for France’s ridiculous love poems. Brainstorm as if our lives depended on it!
Germany: Are you alright, Japan?
Japan: *startle* My sincerest apologies, Germany-san! How could I have let myself nod off like that?!
Germany: The soccer game was broadcast yesterday, wasn’t it? There’s a major time difference between Japan and Europe, Africa, and America so it usually ends up being shown in the middle of the night for you.
Japan: I’m so sorry! In a situation like this, *draws sword* I have no choice but to commit seppuku in order to apologize!
Germany: Don’t be so hasty!
Japan: I’m deeply sorry.
Germany: Don’t worry about it. Anyway, I see that a certain someone is late again. Honestly… What on earth is he doing?
Japan: Now that you mention it, I hadn’t realized what time it’d become already. He’s even later than usual. During lunch, I heard him shout “I hate you, Berlusc***!” and then he sprinted across the athletic field 145 and a half times. And statistically speaking, Italy is on time only one out of every twenty-four times.
Germany: Actually, I do feel for him a little when it comes to his frustrations about his boss. I guess it can’t be helped. We’ll have to make do with just the two of us.
Narrator: Berlusconi- Italy’s former boss who had ties to the mafia. The amount of political strength he wielded was considered unforgivable in Italy.
[T/N: there was another line here, but she spoke too fast and I couldn’t make it out. Sorry!]
Italy: *door flies open* Ciao! Hey, hey Germany! Germany! Where does an alley cat get its quick reflexes and agility when you try to pet it?
Germany: You’ve got a lot of nerve making such a noisy entrance on top of being late all the time!
Japan: Konnichiwa, Italy-kun.
Italy: Ciao, Japan! I just got here and already Germany’s all mad at me like always…
Germany: It’s because you always make such a racket as you throw open the door, shouting some crazy nonsense as you enter the room!
Italy: Veh, th-then… what should I doooo?
Germany: It’s simple. Open the door. Close it. Then, give your greeting, like so: guten tag, Japan.
Japan: Konnichiwa, Germany-san.
Germany: Quit laughing!
Italy: Alright, I get it! I don’t want you to be mad at me all the time, so I’ll try my entrance again like you said.
*Italy opens and closes the door*
Italy: *quietly* Hey Germany and Japan.
Italy: Nice weather we’re having today, isn’t it?
Italy: Mnnnnnnngh… This way is way too boring!
Germany: How can there be a fun way and a boring way of opening a door?!
Italy: But Grandpa Rome’s motto was “It’s all fine as long as you’re having fun!”
Germany: What a destructive philosophy.
Japan: And yet it’s very persuasive coming from Rome-san.
Germany: Nnngh… Ahem, and now, to cut to the chase. There’s a column in the W Academy newspaper that still needs to be filled. We need to decide which article we-
Italy: Ooh! I know! We should put my romance correspondence column there! Anyone who’s having trouble can write to me and have their problem solved!
Germany: *cracks knuckles threateningly* Do the words “German suplex” mean anything to you?
Italy: I’m sorry.
Japan: Mightn’t the topic Italy mentioned earlier about an alley cat’s reflexes when you try to pet it make an interesting article? I’ve been wondering about it myself.
Italy: Ah, so you were wondering about it too, huh, Japan? I know exactly how you feel!
Germany: Proposal rejected.
Italy: Then I’m gonna reject your rejection. Wa ha ha ha ha!
Germany: Who would be interested in an article like that? Anyway, I’ve never seen a cat run from something like that. They always come trotting out and rub against your legs, leaving their fur all over your pants!
Japan: That’s our Germany-san.
Italy: It sure is…
Germany: Why’re you looking at me like that?
Japan: But I think something where we look into submitted questions and problems could be interesting. After all, we often get questions from our readers that they wish us to investigate.
Germany: Hmm, you’re right. Actually something like that might make for an interesting article.
Italy: Alright then, it’s decided!
Japan: Yes. Let’s make our article a collection of responses to readers’ questions, then. I have already collected a series of questions, so please feel free to use them.
Germany: Hmph. I didn’t expect there to be so many.
Italy: Ooh, are there any questions for me?! Like maybe “Does Italy have a girlfriend? -signed, a pretty 38-year-old lady.” Or “Why is Italy so cool? -signed, a cute 23-year-old office lady.”
Japan: There are a few questions from women addressed to you, Italy-kun.
Italy: Yaaay! What do they want to know? I’ll answer anything!
Japan: “Why do Italian men open their shirts so much that their bellybuttons almost show?”
Italy: Eh?! Don’t all men wear their shirts like that?!
Japan: If a man at my place were to do that, he might be taken into questioning by the police.
Italy: I can’t believe that you don’t all wear your shirts open… Here I was thinking that men all over the world wore their shirts open, but I guess I was wrong! It’s so manly and stylish, and yet you don’t do it… Look, first you go like this… and then you do this, and- ta dah! It’s so stylish!
Germany: Argh! Don’t do it to my shirt!
Italy: I see… so you won’t wear it open… *gloom*
Japan: “Because it’s manly and stylish…” Thank you very much, Italy-kun. That makes our first reply.
Italy: I’m so glad I could help! C’mon Japan, open your shirt too!
Japan: No thanks. I said no thanks!