All: Hetalia Drama CD, interval volume three, Nordic Five!
Finland: This is the beginning of Nordic Five, act one: Persistent Nordics.
Moi! Hello, this is Finland. Sve and I, plus the other three making up the Nordic Five group plan to meet up today. We agreed to meet at this bar, but I’m not really sure why we picked one at Sve’s place where the liquor is so expensive.
The drinks at Sve’s place are so expensive! For someone who drinks as heavily as I do, it’s seriously a life-or-death matter. But it’s even more expensive to drink at Norway’s place, so we heavy drinkers in the Nordic region really have it rough! Even the alcohol is expensive!
…And with that, I’ll stop boring you with pointless random facts. This is definitely the bar we decided to meet at, right, Sve?
Finland: Hmm… We’ve had a pretty good look around, but they don’t seem to be here. It looks like we’re the first to arrive. In that case, we should probably take a seat and wait for them.
Sweden: Guess so.
Finland: Let’s see… Ah, this table for five would be just perfect for us. Let’s sit here, Sve.
Finland: Sve’s very a punctual, non-talkative, quiet, Nordic country who loves debate. Although he actually has lots of emotions, he just doesn’t show them much. He’s good with his hands, but he’s a little awkward when he has to interact with others. That’s the kind of country Sve is… I think. Probably. We’ve been together for a long time, but there are still a few parts of him that I don’t understand. Nngh… Well, not just a few. Actually there are a lot of parts I don’t understand. He’s a very mysterious person.
Also, Sweden’s house is famous for canned foods that are rumored to be utilizable as lethal weapons. They certainly are lethal weapons!
Sweden: Not much reason t’ stay standin’. Y’ wanna sit?
Finland: Ok Sve. The others sure are late!
Sweden: Y’ don’t hafta sit s’ far ‘way. Here.
Finland: Ah ha… I’ll just swipe the seat next to you then, I guess.
Finland: A lot of times Sve just nods without saying anything, but it’s not as if he’s angry or in a bad mood. There was a time a long time ago when I wasn’t used to how little he spoke and I was always on edge, but now I’m perfectly used to-
Sweden: Whaddja say?
Finland: EEEEEEEK!! Your eyes are scary! Your eyes are scaring me!
Finland: It’s always like this! Just when I’m starting to think that he might be a nice guy, he goes and does this! Your eyes are scaring me, Sve!
Sweden: What’re y’ talkin’ about, Fin?
Finland: Ah… Oh, never mind. It’s nothing. I’ll just sit down beside you now.
And so after all that, the two of us decided to sit and wait like always for everyone else to arrive.
Finland: Ugh… I’ll be done before the rest of them even get here! *Hic* Aren’t they here yet? Hngh, jeez *Hic!*
Finland: Oh, speak of the devil.
Denmark: Whoa, you came ahead of time, huh, Fin and Sverige?!
The person who just arrived is Ta-er, I mean Denmark. When it’s just us Nordics around, I call him Ta. He’s a hard-headed big brother-type.
Denmark: Ha ha! It’s been too long since we last got together! I’ve been so busy lately taking pictures of the statue of the mermaid princess all day! Ha ha ha!
Finland: He used to be pretty hot-blooded, but lately he’s settled down a lot and has formed quite a close relationship with the rest of us. Even so, you’re being pretty loud, Ta. Everyone’s looking at us!
Denmark: Huh? Are you two the only ones who’ve made it so far? The other two usually show up pretty early.
Finland: You’ve got a point. I wonder what happened to them that they’re not showing up on time.
Denmark: I see… What in the world could Norge and Ice be doing? Ah! Don’t tell me they’re gonna suddenly pop outta somewhere like they usually do and surprise us! Last time they scared the crap outta me and it was awful!
Finland: Ah… Speaking of Nor, the second one who was mentioned just now, he’s Denmark’s childhood friend. Denmark seems to think that they’re the best of friends, but…
Norway: So this is where you’ve been hiding.
Finland: Speak of the devil! Norja just arrived.
Norway: Long time no see.
Finland: Nor! Long time no see!
Denmark: Hey Norge! My best buddy!
Norway: We haven’t seen each other in a while, but you’re looking well, Fin.
Finland: Nor just completely ignored Denmark.
Norway: Been a while since I’ve seen you too, Sve.
Denmark: Hey, best buddy!
Finland: Ah… Nor’s ignoring Denmark again.
Denmark: Yo! BEST BUDDY!
Norway: You’re too loud, Brother.
Finland: Despite how they act, Denmark and Norway are close friends. Surely. Probably.
Norway: All that stirring and slurping you’re doing is so loud, Brother. It’s starting to get on my nerves.
Finland: Nor’s sort of an other-worldly, mysterious kind of guy. He can see fairies. Every year at Norway’s place they have the official air guitar world championship and wife carrying competitions and other mysterious world championships. There’s also a one-hour cowberry cramming contest… He really is quite mysterious.
Norway: Is everyone here now?
Finland: Not yet, Nor. Ice still hasn’t arrived.
Denmark: How can Ice not be here yet? What in the world could he be doing?
Finland: Ah, and now he shows up just as we’re talking about him. This is Ice, the last of the Nordic group who will be meeting here today. Ice is a mysterious boy who’s said to be cool on the outside, but hot on the inside.
Though the top part of his house is frozen, the bottom part has volcanoes it seems that there are a lot of hot springs there. Aren’t hot springs great? I’m a little jealous! Oh right, the one who came along with Ice is a seabird, Puffin. It’s a bit of a mystery as to why Ice is always with his puffin.
Ice and Nor are similar in a lot of ways, especially that mysterious feeling they have about them.
Denmark: Oh hey, come sit down, Ice!
Iceland: You’ve got a lot of nerve, Dan.
Finland: He says that, but it looks like he’s going to sit down beside Denmark.
Denmark and Sve, Nor and Ice, and I. That means the all the Nordics are present now.
Denmark: Hee! Well, since it’s been such a long time…
All: Long time no see!
Finland: And so without further ado, the Nordic’s first meal together in a long time begins.
Actually, though we call it a meal, it was really set up so that we could talk about a certain topic. But before we get onto that subject, Ice brought out some documents and thrust them under our noses.
Iceland: Don’t say anything, just look at this.
Denmark: What’s this letter? Y’ sure ya don’t mind us readin’ a letter addressed to you?
Iceland: Just be quiet, Dan. You’ll understand if you just read it.
Finland: Whoa, this looks like a pretty important document. If he doesn’t mind us looking at it, please hurry up and read it aloud, Denmark.
Denmark: Mm, it that case, I guess I will. Let’s see, what do we have here? “According to the results of our investigation and excavation, we have confirmed that Mr. Norway is your biological brother.”
Denmark: Ice, could this report be…
Iceland: I already told you, it’s the results of an investigation of my body. Not that it really matters.
Denmark: I knew it! So that means you and Norge are brothers!
Sweden: What’s goin’ on? Why’re we suddenly talkin’ about Norway and Ice bein’ brothers?
Finland: Oh, now that you mention it, you didn’t know anything about all this, did you Sve?
Sweden: Hmm mm.
Iceland: I don’t really have to explain what’s going on with Norway and I, do I Svi?
Sweden: Y’ think?
Iceland: Who really cares?
Finland: He says that, but Sve looks like he wants to know what we’re talking about.
Finland: Umm, hey Ice. Sve seems like he wants to know, so you don’t mind if I explain, do you?
Iceland: Hmph. Do what you want, Fin.
Finland: So it’s ok? Good! In that case, since I’ve gotten an ok from Ice, I’ll explain it to you, ok Sve?
Finland: So you know how there weren’t any people in Ice’s place until the middle of the 9th century, right Sve?
Sweden: Knew that.
Finland: Then around the end of the 9th century, the first people to come to Ice’s house were from Norway’s place.
Sweden: Knew that too.
Finland: But it seems that when those people from Norway’s house got there, there were already some monks at Ice’s place. Because of that, it was believed that Ice’s house had already had a population for quite some time.
Iceland: Your sudden interruptions are too loud, Dan.
Denmark: Y’ think?
Finland: Denmark always seems to have plenty of energy.
Sweden: Go on then, Fin.
Finland: Umm, we were talking about Ice’s early inhabitants, weren’t we? So recently the question was raised about whether Ice actually already had inhabitants from a long time before. This theory that there actually might have already been inhabitants in Iceland was only spread by the people of Norway’s house, so no one could really be sure. Right, Nor?
Norway: Yup. If it was like that, and there hadn’t been anyone living at Ice’s place…
Finland: So if Ice’s place was actually empty, it means that it was just the people from your house who went there, right? In that case, it must mean that the people living at Ice’s place were people who had emigrated from Norway’s house.
Iceland: Oh shut up. I’m me, and Nor is Nor.
Finland: Well, that’s what they were saying. So everyone was wondering which story was the truth. But…
Iceland: It was starting to tick me off, so I had a DNA test.
Finland: Aw come on, Ice. Don’t glare like that. And Nor, stop tormenting him about it. And so, to return to what I was saying, it seems that the result of that test have finally come out.
Sweden: S’ that’s what that r’port’s about.
Finland: It seems so.
Sweden: So? What was th’ r’sult? That Nor ‘n’ Ice’re brothers?
Finland: That’s what it looks like. That’s what it says, right Denmark?
Denmark: Yup. It says DNA test right here, so it must be true.
Iceland: I was hoping to find out that my origins were from some mythical indigenous people who only lived in Iceland.
Guy: Mythical natives~!
Iceland: If it was like that, then they could have written “genjuumin” (native people) with the “maboroshi” (phantom) for the “gen” part.
[T/N: It’s a play on words in Japanese. Many kanji have more than one way to read them depending on whether they are being compounded with another kanji. In the case of 幻, it is read as “maboroshi” when it’s on its own, and as “gen” when compounded with other kanji. Normally, the word for native people is written like 原住民 but since the natives in this case are phantoms, the 原 would be replaced with 幻 and the word could still be pronounced the same way but now with the connotation of the native people being phantoms indicated right in the word.]
Finland: Ph-phantom… Ice, what exactly are you hoping for?
Norway: Y’ mean like fairies?
Finland: I don’t think that’s what he meant… But he did say phantom citizens. Maybe that is what he wants? Aargh, which is it, Ice?!
Sweden: Calm down, Fin.
Denmark: Nngh, it’s not just Fin. I don’t really get it either. What in the world do you mean?
Iceland: I already told you. Something like this:
Guy: Mythical natives~! Written like 幻住民! 幻! 住! 民!
Iceland: Well, like that.
Finland: You can make that superior-looking face all you want, but don’t start beaming over nothing.
Denmark: Mmmmm… I still don’t get it.
Finland: It’s not just Denmark; Sve’s cocking his head too. Nor looks pretty calm about it, though. I guess things like that that can be understood between two mysterious people or something.
Finland: Well, at least I can understand that you’d imagined some really cool natives for yourself, Ice.
Iceland: But in the end, it didn’t turn out that way.
Finland: But aren’t you glad to finally know for sure what your relationship to Nor is? Right? You agree, don’t you Denmark? I’ve always wanted that kind of relationship. It would be nice to be able to share things with that person.
Denmark: He’s right! And anyway, you two are brothers no matter how you look at it! I mean, yer both weirdly scary and have strange friends! You’re the spitin’ images of each other! Ya didn’t have to go through all the work of havin’ an investigation t’ prove yer brothers!
Norway: You’re annoying, Brother.
Iceland: That’s right, shut up. We don’t look anything like brothers. Not at all.
Finland: I wonder about that. I mean, your appearances resemble each other, and you both have this mysterious air about you.
Denmark: Ya think?
Sweden: ‘e’s right.
Finland: Even though Denmark and Sve are saying they’re brothers, they seem to have accepted it.
Denmark: Anyway, it’s not just Ice and Nor. The five of us have always been like brothers from the beginning! I’m the oldest brother, and– *choke* Y-you’re…choking me…! I’ll die…
Finland: Whoa! Are you alright, Denmark?! You’re choking him, Ice! You too, Nor! Choking him like that’s dangerous!
Finland: Argh, you’re choking him even more! Norrrr!!
Norway: I guess he’s had enough.
*Denmark gasps for air*
Denmark: You nearly… strangled me…!
Iceland: Anyway, I just came to show you the results. That’s all.
Sweden: Butcha know Ice, don’tcha feel a little better finally knowin’ fer sure after bein’ bothered with wonderin’ whether it was true all this time?
Iceland: I guess you’re right, but…
Finland: I suppose it’s nice to know for sure, but…
*Norway stares at Ice*
*A shiver runs down Ice’s spine*
Iceland: Quit looking at me, Norway.
Finland: I wonder what’s wrong now. Nor and Ice… Nor’s looking at Ice like he wants to say something… I wonder if something happened.
Iceland: What do you want, Norway?
Norway: Not Norway. Big Brother.
Denmark: Wa ha ha! Big Brother!
*Ice chokes Denmark*
Finland: Denmark! Something that looks like your soul is coming out of your mouth!
*Ice releases him*
Denmark: I’m back…! That was close! But anyway Nor and Ice, what’s all this about “Big Brother”?
Finland: I’m curious now too. What was that “Big Brother” stuff all about just now, Nor?
Norway: We agreed that if it turned out that Ice and I really were brothers, he’d call me Big Brother like he used to.
Denmark, Finland, Sweden: “Big Brother?!”
Norway: Come on. You promised, Ice.
Iceland: G-geh… That was just…
Denmark: So, what? You want to Ice to call you Big Brother just like when you guys were kids?!
Finland: Waaah, how nice~ That brings back a lot of old memories! I mean, back then, Ice was like:
Little!Iceland: Big Brother!
Finland: It was so cute!
Sweden: Yeah, yer right.
Norway: Come on, Ice. Say it.
Denmark: That’s right, you were a cute little kid.
Iceland: Stop that. I’m too old to be calling you that now. I’m not a child anymore.
Norway: You promised, Ice.
Sweden: What does it really matter ‘f ya say it?
Iceland: What, you’re backing him up? Cut it out, Svi! Why do I have to start calling him that now?
Sweden: Ya saidja would.
Finland: Yeah, yeah! Go ahead and say it! Right, Sve? You’re so lucky Ice! You’ve got someone you can call “Big Brother”. I wouldn’t even care if it was just once, I’d love it if there were someone to call me Big Brother!
Finland: Wh-what is it, Sve?! You just whipped around to face me so suddenly!
Sweden: (Thinking) ‘F he wants someone t’ call ‘im “Big Brother”, maybe I should…? Or maybe he could call me Big Brother.
Finland: Sve? …Sve? What’s wrong? You went so quiet all of a sudden.
Sweden: B’t ‘s too ‘mbarrassin’ t’ say.
Sweden: Nah, ‘s nothin’.
Denmark: Hey Ice, how ’bout callin’ me Big Brother, too?!
Iceland: Huh? I can’t believe this! What’re you saying, Dan?! You’re all being strange! This is weird! We’re all adults here! You really think making me call you that is fun?!
Finland: It’s not so much about having fun as about remembering how cute you used to be.
Little!Iceland: Big Brotheeeeer!!
Finland: Yeah, I can understand why they’d want you to call them that.
Norway: Naturally. Hurry up and say it, Ice. “Big Brother.”
Iceland: Aaargh, dammit!
Norway: Not dammit. Come on, “Big Brother.”
Norway: “Big Brother.”
Iceland: Stop it, Norway.
Norway: “Big Brother.”
Iceland: I’m not saying it.
Norway: “Big Brother.”
Iceland: Not interested!
Finland: Nor isn’t backing down, but Ice doesn’t seem like he’s going to say it. But Nor looks like he’s having a lot of fun teasing Ice. Ha ha ha!
Denmark: Alright then! Until Ice says “Big Brother,” all the drinks’re on him! Slide me another, bartender!
Iceland: Why should I have to pay for yours? You’re not making any sense, Dan! Quit saying strange things! I’ve had enough. I just wanted to show you that, so I’m going home.
Denmark: Aw c’mon! It was obviously just a little joke, Ice!
Finland: Ahh… Ice left.
Sweden: Mm, ‘e wasn’t havin’ any of it.
Finland: Hmm? Isn’t that Ice peeking in through the door over there? Huh? He disappeared. Ah! It really is him! I can see him a little bit from behind… Huh? It looks like he’s saying something.
Sweden: Hmm? He’s mouthin’ somethin’.
Finland: Come on Denmark and Nor, be quiet and listen!
Iceland: B… Big Brother.
Finland: Wait, could he have just…
Denmark: Ice just called you Big Brother, Nor!
Sweden: ‘E said it.
Norway: I heard.
Finland: Isn’t that great, Nor?! …Wait, huh?
Norway: What is it, Fin?
Finland: I think I can see a hand sticking out from the same place where Ice’s face just was.
Sweden: Hm? Ah, I see it.
Finland: Is that Ice’s hand? I wonder that that’s about. Hmph. Oh wait, he stuck up his thumb and turned it upside-down as hard as he could.
Norway: Thumbs down, huh?
Finland: Ah ha ha… That Ice.
Finland: With that, it was confirmed that Ice and Nor are brothers. Ice called Nor Big Brother like he’d promised, and Nor seems happy now. They’re so lucky~ I’m so jealous~ But every time I try to talk about that with Sve, he whips around and looks at me with a really scary expression on his face so I can’t really talk about it. It’s kinda sad. Ugh…