VS Italy


■Japan VS Italy

■Full body drawing practice■

For now, Japan, good luck escaping.

■Germany VS Italy

■Greeting a German■

A thick wall of 8cm.

[T/N: young German men don’t, in fact, give good morning Kusschen to each other.]


Speaking of, you greet people with kisses even in Germany.
Recently, I received a German-style kiss from a German woman.
(He’s said to kiss the right and left cheek one time each.)
It’s also common for the elderly to shake hands in Germany.
Yeeeaaah I’m still a know-nothing about foreign culture.

If you compare Germans and Italians,
Germans seem to be more formal don’t they?
Italians are like I want to huuuuuuug I want to kiiiiiiiiiss!
And come up to you clinging.

By the way, Italians kiss the left and right cheek.
The French kiss for a long 4~5 times.

■France VS Italy


Paris’ art galleries are full of paintings and artifacts from Italy.
No doubt, Italy is known for their great artists.


Hawawa! Master, the enemies are here!
During the middle ages, Italy was basically useless.
Because of that, foreign countries were pushing their political powers unto them.
During wars, Italy was used as a shield.
Hmm… something like Egypt’s kitten-shields.

It’s like Big Brother France is becoming more and more villainous.
Although, Chibitalia was trying to regain his honor during the latter part of the war.


　

Translation: unknown, tarafishes, desuraven, hwoosh, kazeyumi, jammerlea
Original Translated Version: 1, 2, 3 | Original

A lot of France


■Big Brother France and That Kid


Jeanne d’Arc and France.
(In the future I’ll add a link for the story of Miss Jeanne and Mr France.)


By the way, I pondered if I should use the actual people in Hetalia
but I decided to use vague expressions such as “boss” or “that girl.”

Countries and people are somehow co-existing.

　


Now that I think about it,
until Napoleon mentioned about Jeanne d’Arc,
he totally forgot about her.
Bad guy…


↑England somehow always ends up with the role as a villain.
In the movies and novels related to Jeanne d’Arc, he is treated like a demon. In movies, villains are usually played by the Brits.
Do your best, England.


Yup. Do your best, England.


　

Translation: jammerlea, algidwind
Original Translated Version: 1, 2 | Original

Hetare 5: Lietuvis!!



During WWII, some soldiers in the American forces got too spirited
upon getting ice cream that they ended up
breaking their bones and had to be shipped home.

And, now that I think of it, it seems that American
battleships were fitted with ice-cream machines.
Doesn’t that sound like somebody else we know?

BTW – during the war, the American soldiers stationed in Britain
seemed to have been smash hits with the local lasses.
Of course, they were cool and cheerful and hunky and all that,
but the thing was—they were rich.

At the time, Britain was virtually broke—townsfolk couldn’t get
their hands on winter stockings, let alone candies.
But here came the American troops who, not suffering greatly from
food or supply shortages, gave whatever they got to the local girls.

Unsurprisingly, they became the next Joe Sexy.

Since it was allegedly pretty easy, there came a parade of American
soldiers who worked soulfully to get girls via chocolate or stockings.
Apparently, an order from the British side to ‘keep your
supplies to yourself and family!’ came out rather fast.

[T/N: Minami-Centrair – an attempted 2005 merger between the Mihama and
Minamichita townships in the Aichi prefecture. Apparently furor after the name
(which was shoehorned in by the town council) caused the merger to stall, though
I don’t know any more details. The name Minami-Centrair came from the nearby airport.]

The country that grew most peevish at Germany and
Russia’s increasingly good relations was Japan.
Declaring that ‘the ways of the West are too inscrutable!’,
the entire Japanese cabinet resigned.

To the “Why did they resign over that!?” Europeans,
however, Japan’s actions were the most inscrutable of all…


Russia and Japan in the Russo-Japanese War.

Although Japan made its name known to the world
by crushing Russia in this conflict,
Japan had fought with everything it had.
In contrast, Russia had only brought out its regional troops
and still had oh so much resources to spare.


Thanks to this quarrel with Russia,
Japan used up five years’ worth of living expenses.
Fight on, Japan, fight.


The favourite war trophy among Russian troops appears to be the common water faucet.
“Awesome! Instantaneous water everywhere!”, indeed.
Long live Russian soldiers! (*´∀｀*)

Russia partitioned Poland WAY too often.


Thus spake Mr. Lithuania, who, along with Poland,
had once beaten Germany’s family member to a pulp.


Q : How many Poles does it take to change a lightbulb?

A : Three. One to put the lightbulb in,
two to turn whatever the first is standing on.

And thus came the eventually useless
Polish-British Common Defence Pact and the
Franco-Polish Military Alliance.

By the way, Poland at the time was confident that it could
drive Germany out by it self, and planned to totally
do so and, like, go on an offensive to boot~
…or something along the lines.
Poland was awesome. Yes, he was.

■Nagoya-ben (Valley Girl) and Poland■

That’s like, totally unreal!
It’s so so impossible!
Like, seriously! But whatever,
I totally need to pee like right
now. Seriously to the max.


　

Translation: equivalent-t, aphonetie, jammerlea
Original Translated Version | Original

Chibitalia



■ Chibitalia, Holy Roman Empire and France ■

Although he dubbed himself the Holy Roman Empire out of adulation for the Roman Empire,
the Holy Roman Empire was not Rome.
It appears he went around stalking Italy and making
ambiguous “Won’t you join me?” threats *laughs*.
His dream was to create a unified Holy Roman kingdom made of Italian and German people.

Feeling quite scandalized by the matter,
France and Spain would often call out “Stop making passes at Italy!”
Though, it wouldn’t be the Holy Roman Empire if he listened.

■ Before Italy became the bullied boy ■

After the fall of Rome, Italy became a collection of small city-states.

You could find everything in Italy back then.
Fertile lands, beautiful climate, magnificent culture,
history, art, trade, religion…
it was a completely enchanting place to be.

But it was WEAK.
It was weak even from this era.

From the eyes of the other countries, there’s no better trophy in the world. Beginning with France’s advance, the rest of the stronger countries began converging to pluck their own piece of Italy.

■ The Strongest Bully Appears ■

“All right, Italy is mine!”

Thus France resolved to begin his Italian invasion campaign.
Though he said he’d go help putting down troubles in Milan, he
went straight to conquer Florence and Naples.


Though he ended up going broke halfway and got stuck in
strange places, showing his own brand of uselessness
(though France’s wallet was in such a state that it’d burst if he so much as farted, anyway) we still think Italy was even more useless than him.


He had absolutely nothing prepared.
And he already knew it months in advance…
Therefore, things went downhill from beaten→surrender rapidly.

Italy was already Italy since this time period.

　

■ Why was Big Brother so anxious? ■

A little while ago, Austria (Habsburg rule) started
to swagger about in the Holy Roman household.
Austria’s plans had already netted him Spain,
so France suddenly got stuck in the middle.

[T/N : This is when Habsburg kings ruled both Austria and Spain, via marriage plans.]


Feeling antsy, France decided to take over the unspoiled
Northern Italy. The Holy Roman Empire and Spain had a few
things to say about that, however, and they began their own moves.
That was how the great war for Italian domination started…

　



■ Mr. Austria ■
An aristocratic intelligentsia who not only
busied himself with Italy,
but also controlled the Holy Roman Empire.
Loves music more than anything.

■ The Italian War ■

A war that turned the entirety of Italy into a bloodbath.
Lynched on by countries from all over,
Italy is torn off piece by piece by the strong countries.

And after this, Italy’s harsh life as a servant began…



■ Italy, the Renaissance, and… ■
Since Italy had to cling to stronger countries to survive,
it was not a proper time for art.
This heralds the beginning of the end
for the magnificent Renaissance culture.

Italy would disappear from the stage of history for many centuries afterwards, and because he remained an underling for so long, he never got the chance to expand.

By the way, it looks like Italy never used
his army in this period, either. *laughs*


■ Mr. Austria’s glorious musical history ■

The Austrian throne poured a great deal of money into arts and music,
so they were able to gather and support the very best of musicians.

The Vienna Boys’ Choir is reputed to have been there since the 15th century.
T-that’s old…!

■ Italy and Mr. Austria ■

Italy did have a number of small rebellions throughout,
but they were quickly crushed by Austria’s military.


Well, it was his longtime dream.(*´∀｀*)

Elsewhere, the elder Italy brother…

While Northern Italy was conquered by the Holy Roman Empire,
Spain managed to conquer the south.

Now that we mention it, maybe the reason South Italy has slow growth even now is because he spent too long a time under the laid back Spanish rule.
Since he didn’t have to do a thing by himself (heh, festa and siesta)
his main assets are still agricultural and tourism, like it was 1,000 years ago.

The Italian cheer also feels very Spanish, now that I think of it.


The Renaissance didn’t stop with Italy, but spread all over Europe.
The Holy Roman painter Albrecht Durer was famous, wasn’t he?

The Holy Roman Empire, beginning to copy Italy and start painting.



And so Chibitalia, the story of Italy’s childhood, comes to an end.
Italy’s history is full of invasion, isn’t it…?

After this, the Holy Roman Empire was embroiled in a tragic path with the Thirty Years’ War.
I’ll write something on this later.
France profited greatly from this fight.

　


　

Translation: equivalent-t, konkira
Original Translated Version | Original

Hetare 4: Pact of Steel 2



Italians have been an inconsistent people since forever. *laughs*
The North and the South never really got on all that well, but if you ask,

“Is there a strength difference because of the regions?”
In the First World War, Italian soldiers were conscripted from all parts of the country and distributed evenly among the army, but after WWI, they started making the units regional.

Still,
THE USELESSNESS NEVER CHANGED.

They really are HETARE!

Pendant

　

　

　

Although Poland and Lithuania used to be one country,
Lithuania was pretty much in the lackey position.
He was confounded by Poland’s many whims, apparently,
like “Speak Polish!” or “Live like me!”.

Poor, poor Lithuania…

　

　

　

　

Though Poland has the image of ‘the poor abused country stuck between Russia and Germany’ he actually has been destroyed many times and yet still rose back like a phoenix. In other words, he seems to actually be a tough, strong country.

Surprisingly, there were times when he’d won against Russia and Germany. The time he was with Lithuania was his golden age, where he and Lithuania the Lackey conquered and expanded across Eastern Europe.

Also, this is pointless, but I based Poland’s accent on Nagoya schoolgirls.

(T/N: In English this would be Valley Girl.)

　

　

　

　

　

　


Russia actually had traumatic memories of Poland and letters before.
In one of their wars, he grew to distrust his allies thanks
to Poland’s fake letters and caused massive unrest in the ranks,
at which point Poland swooped in and took Moscow.

　

He did get a very thorough revenge afterwards, though.

　

Speaking of Russia’s friends, I completely forgot this person.

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

And so, we have the Pact of Steel.
Although Lithuania said ‘Soviet’ singularly in the last panel,
please think of it as the USSR.



　

Translation: equivalent-t, konkira, hetamushitama, jammerlea
Original Translated Version | Original

Hetare 4: Pact of Steel 1


　

　

　

Lithuania and Russia

After Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin finished their conference at Yalta,
they went on a sightseeing flight to the Black Sea.
No sooner than they’d taken off, a devil jumped onto
the airplane’s wing and started to destroy the engine.
Churchill kept his cool and began to negotiate.

“Sir, if you’ll stop that,
I’ll give you a seat in the House of Lords.”

The devil, however, refused to listen.
A few minutes later, Roosevelt said to the devil,

“Hey, you, yes, you. If you’ll stop,
I’ll give you as much Californian farmland and new Packard cars as you want.”

But the devil continued to destroy the engines.
At this point, Stalin gently shouted,

“Hey, you fuckwad, if you don’t stop that right
now I’ll throw you into the kolkhoz!”

At the moment the devil heard those words,
it flew away, never to be seen again.

From the kolkhoz that even the devil fears.

　

Lithuania and the Happy Three Baltic States

Although Lithuania used to be a big country with Poland,
Russia did its best to break that apart—>Lithuania is ‘recruited’.
Afterwards, poor Lithuania’s plight was to be beaten up by Russia day after day.
By the way, Lithuania-kun likes martial arts.
He’s also the (relatively) most cheerful among the Baltic states.

　

　


The Trembling Trio

　

　

　


　

　

　

　

　


The Pact of Steel. A treaty exchanged between Germany and Italy
to help each other out if each is ever in a bind.
This pact will change the two Italy’s immeasurably in the future.

　

next⇒
coming soon


　

Translation: equivalent-t, konkira, hetamushitama, jammerlea
Original Translated Version | Original

Hetare 3: G-R Nonaggression Pact?

　

In the war, Italian tanks took one week to reach a target 60 kilometers away, but once they saw English troops, retreated the same distance in one day!

　

　

There’s a legend that goes how an Italian corps all deserted upon running into the English, and then gets caught by stupid reasons…
like hitting on women or sleeping in a restaurant.

　

A chair that’s an English Specialty (?) in which you’ll die if you sit.
It has apparently cursed and killed 61 people who sat in it…
Go google about the Busby’s Chair!

　

■Study■

Why did England and America fight?

France and Native Americans once fought the English colonies in a territorial dispute (The French-Indian War).
Thanks to England’s reinforcements, America managed to defeat France and the Native Americans and acquired more territories.

At this point, however, England’s characteristic tsundere-ness selfishness (‘don’t buy tea from anyone except me’, ‘don’t be close to anyone except me’) had created a good deal of animosity for America. Though part of it was caused by his economy getting strained by supporting the latter in the war,

That’s when America fought England to earn its freedom.
By the way, though England won at first, America managed to turn the tables at the last minute and achieved victory.

And now, the present. Fight, England, fight!

　

　

　

　

　

Germany 180 cm
Italy 172 cm
Japan 165 cm

America 177 cm
England 175 cm
France 175 cm
Russia 182 cm
China 169 cm

Source: An American survey of average heights across countries.

　

　

　

　

　

I have a feeling that Russia may invade the next chapter.
By the way, the Tripartite Pact came after the non-aggression pact formed between Germany and Russia. But Germany-Italy-Japan + Russia will continue like this because it seems interesting.

　


　

Translation: equivalent-t, rainy_takako, konkira, hetamushitama, don_amoeba
Original Translated Version | Original

Hetare 2: Allied Forces


　

Russia is a really interesting country.

Russian soldiers exclaimed, “You just turn the knob and water comes out!” and joyfully took the water spigots. They didn’t know about the existence of radar until the war was over. Airplanes were flown by the naked eye. A Russian soldier didn’t know how to wind up his wrist watch, so he ended up wearing watches all up and down his arms. Although Russia frequently appears innocent and that there are a lot of lovely sights to see like in the country, more than a fair share of cruel stories come from Russia as well. Perhaps by stopping a sense of honesty it will conversely become brutality.


　

Translation: equivalent-t, ryuichi
Original Translated Version | Original

Hetalia Chapter 1


Hiding explosives in churches because “God is supposed to protect it” and letting them explode.
Losing against bows and old-fashioned weapons despite having the newest equipment.
Getting tanks stolen during a break.
It’s the story of this gentle Italy.

“Refuses to work if there aren’t any women around,
but if they are, he refuses too.”
– or so it seems.

At that point, Italy undauntedly joined the Axis, but without thinking anything. It ended up wasting 10 more days to actually get ready.

While Germany subsisted on boiled potatoes,
Italy ate a full-course meal regardless of what mortar is in the air at the moment, or so the legend goes.

Italy’s invasion of Egypt ended up having a 1-in-4 casualty rate, and the very busy Germany ended up having to intervene. Oh, Italy.

You might say that the Italian ‘weakness’ is actually the national secret wisdom. After WWII ended, German troops captured by Yugoslavian partisans were too stubborn to yield even after prolonged torture, which made their Serbian captors even madder. Italian troops, on the other hand, wept and begged for mercy in a few minutes, which spared them the torture. Or so the story goes!

From: “Why is the Italian army so weak?”

■Another version■

An Italian soldier was captured, bound, and tortured.
But no matter what was done to him, he never said a word.
Exasperated, his captors finally unbounded him and the soldier, at once,
began gesturing wildly and speaking like a machine gun.
It was then that the captors realized:

“Wait, so this guy can’t speak unless he’s gesturing!”

I’ll be uploading them like this.

Translation: equivalent-t, lost-hitsu, spaghettifelice, y4nderenka, don_amoeba
Original Translated Version | Original