W Academy Newspaper Club: Sports Festival Edition! – Track 6 “ζリ*´点`)”

Track 6

China: Finally… This is the last event.

America: But the next one is a centipede race? It’s hard to be the hero when you’ve gotta work in a group!

Japan: That’s not necessarily true. In Japan, we have what’re called ranger heroes. They transform in groups, usually of 5, and each one is considered a hero with their own unique abilities.

America: Oh, that’s right! I’ve seen heroes like that at my place too! Power Rangers is a huge franchise that’s been going on for like 20 years!

Japan: Yes, that was a remake of a Japanese special effects drama. Because of that, your version is virtually impossible to locate in Japan, but… Oh, but you have that superhero group, The Avengers, at your house, right?

America: Yep, that’s a pretty huge franchise too! But that’s a group made up of originally individual heroes. Personally I’d like one that started out as a brand new group, like–

England: No one cares about your hero blather.

France: Big Brother wouldn’t mind talking about Japanese anime, though. It’s so romantic, and the costumes are all highly artistic, don’t you think?

England: You’re weirdly obsessed with Japanese culture…

Japan: Heroes are special effects dramas, not anime! Please don’t confuse the two!

Germany: Alright, enough pointless jabber! Just get into your respective teams for the race and tie your legs together with the rope!

Italy: Eheheh! Germany’s serious as ever, huh?

*everyone shuffles off into their teams*

Russia: So, I’m on this team, right? Tee hee… team sports, huh? That has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

England: Urk. There’s something strangely scary about that coming from Russia. Well, maybe it’s fate that led to me being put on this team… So how’re we deciding everyone’s places in line? It matters who the leader is when it comes to a centipede race, right?

America: Alrighhhhht~! Just leave the leader’s position to me!

England: I can’t feel anything but nervous about that!


Germany: I’ll be the leader in this match! Everyone else get behind me and link your legs!

Italy: Whaaa? Germany’s gonna lead? You’re gonna be super strict, aren’t you! Like a drill sergeant! I know! Japan should be the leader! You’re good at team sports, right?

Japan: Unfortunately, I won’t be participating in this match. I have to be on photo duty. You two do your best, ok?

Italy: What?! No wayyyy!

Germany: Enough whining and tie your legs together already!

Japan: Erm, a word of advice, if I may? It’s best if you don’t try to walk too fast. Everyone’s legs are different lengths, after all.

Spain: That’s no big deal! We’ll manage somehow! We just gotta wing it!

Romano: Bend your knees a little, wouldja?! I can’t reach your damn shoulders, you asshole!

Spain: Haha! I won’t shrink no matter how much you hit me, Romano!

Romano: You’re such a shithead!

Greece: Being stuck… so close together… feels weird…

Germany: Don’t say such dysfunctional things!

Prussia: This is the last event, right? We gotta win. I will avenge my loss during the scavenger hunt!

Japan: The signal pistol is about to fire, everyone. Are you all ready?

Germany: Prepare yourselves carefully now.

Announcer: On your mark, get set… *bang*

Germany: 1, 2! 1, 2! Who’s causing our pace to drag?! The fact that it’s uncomfortable isn’t an excuse!

Italy: Wahhhh! I’m tired! Let’s just give up!

Romano: Quit shrieking away up there, dumbass! You’re hurting my ears…

Spain: C’mon, no need to be so grumpy! This is supposed to be fun!

Prussia: We won’t win if we’re having fun! We gotta start working better as a team!

Germany: 1, 2! 1, 2!

Italy: Germany… can I just stop moving?

Germany: What the hell do you think?!

Spain: Quit moving around, Germany! Watch where you’re going!

*Germany’s team stumbles and falls over*

America: Hahaha! Look it that! Their team fell over!

England: It’d be nearly an impossible feat for them to get up after that and catch up to us. This is our chance to put some distance between us!

Russia: 1, 2. 1, 2. We’re making more orderly progress than I expected we would! We’re making a solid team effort!

France: Look, the checkpoint is already visible! I knew I could handle this!

China: 1, 2. 1, 2. America’s management actually isn’t half bad. *grunting* I’m a little surprised!

America: Right?! Alright, let’s line ourselves up with the checkpoint and finish this thing! Small steps with the right foot, and big steps with the left!

Allies: 1, 2! 1, 2!

Canada: Hey.

Allies: 1, 2! 1, 2!

Canada: I said hey!

France: Hmm? I thought I heard Canada just now. Is something wrong?

Russia: Huh? Hey, where is Canada anyway? Way in the back?

China: No, I’m the last person.

England: Wait, so then…

Canada: Is it ok if I don’t participate? Or maybe I was just forgotten about again…

Kumajirou: Might’ve been.

America: OH MY GOD!! That thing I thought was the checkpoint was actually Canada?!

France: What’re you doing over there?

Canada: The panda I’d borrowed from China disappeared so I went to look for it, and while I was gone, the event started without me…

China: My panda already came back to me! See, he’s right here…

England: More importantly, can we even get our marks if we don’t have all 6 of our participants?

Russia: Hmm… probably not, wouldn’t you think?

All: Ngh…

America: *turns around* Gahh! Hurry back, everyone! We gotta start all over again!

England: Don’t try to dash off suddenl–wahh!

Germany: Good, looks like their team had to start over again. Looks like it was worth the trouble of getting back up off the ground again.

Romano: They’re still at the start? Lame!

Greece: All roads… lead to… Rome… Step by step… day after day.

Italy: Really? All of them? So does that mean I can get home if I follow this road? I got up so early this morning and I’m really tired. I just wanna hang out with some girls!

Germany: Sorry, but you’re not going home until our article’s finished. I already told you, we’re doing an all-nighter tonight.

Italy: Wahhhh! Germany’s a big stinky jerk!

Prussia: Regardless, we’re making good progress. Ahahaha! You watching, Team Allies?! Witness my full potential!!

Spain: Man, they sure are slow! At this rate, we can still win even if we go slowly! I mean, we already made it to the checkpoint!

Italy: Huh? Really? We can go slow? Thank goodness~ I thought I was toast!

Germany: No, now that we’ve tagged the checkpoint, let’s pick up the pace. Let’s just focus on not falling over for now… 1, 2! 1, 2!

America: *catching up in a fury* GWAAAAAA!! PICK UP THE SPEEDDDD!!

France: The one who’s gonna get his face on the front page is me!

Romano: Holy shit, they’re coming up super fast behind us, you assholes!

Spain: Calm down, Romano! Hitting me isn’t gonna fix anything!

Prussia: This is no time for bickering! Quick! To the finish line!


America: This is the last spurt, guys! If we pull this off, it’ll be a huge hit when they make it into a movie! All of America will weep!

England: What would be the point of making a movie about a centipede race?!

France: Alright! We caught up to them!

Russia: Unfortunately for you, it looks like we’ll be the winners at this rate!

Germany: As if we’d allow that!! Pick up the pace, everyone!

Spain: Whoa! You’re goin’ too fast!

America: To be a hero who led his team to victory…!

Germany: To land on the front page in spite of the mockery aimed at us…!


Germany: *comes to a stop* We did it! We finished! Which team won?!

America: Obviously it was us!

Prussia: Don’t tell me… we both crossed the line at about the same time?!

Japan: Umm… Well, I recorded a video of the event, so let’s try looking at the moment when you all crossed the finish line, shall we? *replays the end of the video*

America in replay: To be a hero who led his team to victory…!

Germany in replay: To land on the front page in spite of the mockery aimed at us…!

All in replay: NWAHHHHHH…!!

Japan: *stops the video* It’s this part, right? …Huh? It can’t be… A tie?

Spain: There’s no way! Check it again!

*video is replayed again*

All in replay: NWAHHHHHH…!!

*video clip stops*

France: What the heck?! It’s a perfect tie!

America: That can’t be! I know what’s going on here! You fiddled with the footage, didn’t you Japan! You made it turn out like this!

Japan: There’s no way I could have tampered with it in such a short amount of time.

Russia: So then… it really was a tie?

Canada: That means neither of us won, doesn’t it?

England: What the hell? So then we hardly earned any points at all!

Germany: A tie, huh…? With the right spin on it, this could make a good article…

Japan: Indeed. Such a miraculous conclusion is incredibly rare. I feel as though we could write a good article about it!

Italy: You think? I sure hope so! I guess it was worth all that effort. *starts to walk off* Well, I’ll just leave the rest to you two, then…

Germany: *grabs Italy* Not so fast.

Japan: Yes, that won’t do.