W Academy Newspaper Club: Sports Festival Edition! – Track 2 “ミ-」-]”

Narrator: Then came the day of the Sports Festival.

Italy: You’re so mean! So mean! No one told me I’d get a muscly wake-up call at 5 this morning!

Japan: AKA a “muscle call” for short.

Germany: Could you not call it that? Anyway, what choice did I have? There’s no way he could have woken up at 5 AM on his own.

Italy: That’s true. That’s true, but… Handsome guys are supposed to be woken by pretty girls. It’s practically a rule! Why do I have to be clamped between Germany’s bulky arms?

Germany: Who’d make a rule like that?!

Japan: Ahh… w-who can say?

Italy: Ve… So *yawn*… Where are we supposed to go?

Japan: We’ll start with the grounds. Schools always use the grounds, which makes things nice since you don’t have to worry about where to do festivals and such.

Germany: True.

Italy: Sleepy… But you know, I wonder if anyone’ll even be here this early in the morning.

Germany: If we don’t come early, the Sports Festival executive committee members will be too busy to give us an interview. Besides, the people who are really in it to win it should already be up and around at this hour. And we’re gonna get all the details from start to finish.

Japan: During the last Sports Festival, there was talk of some legendary person who was so hyped the day before the actual events that they stayed up all night getting ready for it and had to be carted off to the hospital.

Italy: Wahhh… but it’s 5 AM. There’s no way a person like that actually exists.

Prussia: 1… 2… 3… 4… Kesesese! It feels good being the first person out on the grounds! There’s that saying that the first one on the battlefield or grounds will be the winner. Well, I mean, I do kinda feel like I could think of a bunch of exceptions to that rule, but… the awesome me is so refreshed and in a good mood that I don’t care. Although, I do have my regrets about how the last Sports Festival went. The next thing I knew, I was in the hospital… There we go… This time, I’ll make good use of all that time I had to reflect on my mistakes and stop here for now.

Germany: …

Italy: …

Japan: Legendary…

Prussia: Oh? West and Italy-chen! Oh, and Japan too.

Italy: Wahhh, it’s the legendary Prussia!

Prussia: Huh? …Oh… Yeah, I’m always making legend!

Prussia: Oho! So you guys were so excited about the Sports Festival that you woke up early too, huh? I figured it was something like that!

Japan: S-sure…

Germany: Just graduate already!!

Prussia: No!!

Germany: Actually, you already have graduated once!

Prussia: I still go here.

Germany: No, you definitely graduated already. There’s no mistake about it, so what the heck are you doing here?!

Prussia: Well… if you promise to keep this on the downlow… It’s cuz I’m hot!

Germany: Your appearance has nothing to do with it.

Prussia: My personality’s pretty hot too! Overwhelmed, aren’tcha?!

Germany: Sorry, do you mind if I deal with bro.. I mean my brother real quick?

Italy: Even I don’t even know how I’m supposed to reply to that!

Prussia: Heheh… Do you really think a little chick like you can “deal with” the awesome me? My guy Moltke is pretty strong, you know.

Narrator: Mr. Moltke- Back when Prussia was still throwing his weight around, this guy was repeatedly going around to different countries and stirring up strangely unpleasant incidents. France, seeing this, got salty and decided that he needed to be “dealt with,” and that it should be a matter of just punching him a few times. Thus, France naively came after Prussia. Prussia, contrary to his image, was a really hard and diligent worker and had become a lot stronger and cleverer since the last time France punched him. In the end, France had to surrender at the Battle of Sedan to the great Moltke, who was commanding the Prussian army.

Prussia: *struggling* Wh… a-are we actually doing this? …For real? C’mon! …Alright, fine! I admit that what I said about fighting a bear being the reason I collapsed last year before the Sports Festival! My bad! So just… Ahhh!!

Narrator: After that, Prussia’s Braunschweig-ish area was “dealt with.” Well, Japan took care of the interview-type things right away, so please don’t worry about that.

Prussia: OHYAAAAA!!

Spain: Did you hear that weird cat noise just now?

France: I don’t think that was a cat.

Cat: Meowww

Greece: Mm… Today’s… an important… day.

Cat: Meow

Greece: Recently the Olympics… haven’t been… like the Olympics… If mom saw… she’d probably… get really angry… about how different… they’ve become… I mean… No one’s… naked…

Cat: Meow!

Italy: *walks up* Oh, it’s Greece! Buon giorno, Greece!

Greece: G’mo~

Japan: Good morni—wait, did you say ‘G’mo’?!

Greece: It was a Greek joke.. Hee hee…

Italy: I’ve known Greece for a long time, but there are still so many things about him that I don’t understand.

Greece: I also… don’t really… understand myself… People are… incredibly… uncertain creatures… They’re ridiculous… and their hearts are like liquid….

Japan: Uhh… As the birthplace of the Olympics, would you mind commenting on today’s events?

Greece: Hmm… mm… mmmmm… a comment… That’s more difficult… than the topic of happiness… Oh… right… Lately… breakfast has been… a bit lacking…

Japan: If it’s breakfast you want, I can treat you!

Greece: Thanks… but… that’s alright… I’ve got… Germany…

Italy: You’re right! You’ll be alright as long as you have Germany!

Japan: You’ve been relying on Germany-san?!

Greece: Germany… gets angry… and says “this is… the last time”… but he still… does all kinds of things… for me… I’m so… grateful…

Italy: That’s true! Germany’ll be all like “you’re not my problem!” even as he keeps doing you favors! That’s just the kind of guy he is.

Greece: So… grateful…

Japan: Germany certainly has it rough…

Cat: meow


Japan: T-to think the principal would finish his speech in just three seconds… Just who is the principal, anyway? Mr. Gagarin kept talking about the color blue…

[T/N: Gagarin seems to refer to the Russian astronaut, Yuri Gagarin, who described the earth from space looking like a bride in a blue veil. Could the principal be a personification of the whole earth?]

Germany: What was Gagarin even doing, standing next to the principal like that?

Italy: This is way too huge a scoop for us, huh?

Germany: The mysteries surrounding this school have only grown more numerous. If we could write an article about this…!

America: *runs up* Hey you guys!

Italy: Whoa, America! What’s up?

America: You guys are the Newspaper Club, right? I just figured you should be writing an article about me. I mean think about it, even reality TV shows always have a host, right? I thought the Newspaper Club could use a host too! A hero like me, for instance!

Japan: Ah, this confidence and youth is dazzling!

Romano: I’m tired.

Spain: C’mon, don’t be like that! This is the once-in-4-years passionate flesh vs. flesh showdown! We’ll be missin’ out if we don’t participate!

Romano: All that’s my brother’s job, ya dumbass! I’m going to sleep! I’m gonna sleep and eat and not get up at all! Besides, how damn long do we stay students if this shitty thing only happens once every 4 years?!

Spain: Hey now, don’t sweat the small stuff so much!

Romano: There’s nothing small about it! What the hell is wrong with this school, anyway?! Hahhh! What a pain in the ass! I don’t feel like moving an inch, you bastard!

Spain: C’mon, don’t be like that. There’s value in participating! Just think of all the precious memories you’ll make!

Romano: Either way… My brother’ll just get better marks than me, and I’ll end up depressed all because of this shitty festival. No matter what I do, my house stays cluttered… my transportation facilities are a mess… I get pushed around by the mafia… The only part of me that gets any praise is Capri… you asshole…

Spain: That’s true, Capri is really pretty.

Romano: Dumbass! Dwumbassss! I hate you so much! I hope you get cat pee on you and melt and die! *runs off*

Spain: *shocked* Ehhh?! I melt in cat pee?!

France: Anyway, don’t you think Sports Festivals are awfully outdated? If you’re gonna compete, it’s gotta be on bikes! Tour de France! Jump on a bike for a month and go around seeing the beautiful French towns! If you did that, I bet even your ugly old hearts could be infused with a fashionable essence.

Japan: Bikes are nice, aren’t they? I like them too.

Italy: I’m not bad on a bike either! We hold something called Giro d’Italia at my place. It feels good when the wind rushes past you, doesn’t it? It feels like you could go anywhere~!

Germany: You wander too much as it is! Keep your feet on the ground!

Italy: Veh~ You just don’t understand how great bikes are, Germany!

England: Don’t give me that Tour de France shite! Football and rugby are the true cutting edge of sports!

Ffrance: What’s this? Bragging about junk you invented again? But I’ll have you know older brother is pretty amazing at football too. I even manage to make it look beautiful! I’d like to show you my sparkling footwork, known as champagne football!

England: Don’t you ever think about anything besides physical beauty?!

China: 1, 2, 3~ Warm up exercises are so boring, aru! I don’t see any benefit to just shaking my arms like this.

Canada: You think? Warming up before exercise is pretty important, you know.

Kumajirou: Who are you?

Canada: I’m Canada! Anyway, even before I play ice hockey, I see a big difference even if I just rotate my shoulders and legs like this.

China: Aiyahh! This just isn’t good enough! I need more… like… exaggerated movements… like this… nice and slowwww…

Canada: I can’t help feeling that taichi isn’t a proper warm up.

Russia: You can leave the warm up exercises to me. I was given a Spartan education until about halfway through my childhood, after all.

Canada: Oh, that’s right. If you wouldn’t mind, maybe you could teach me some moves?

Italy: Hmm? What kind of moves? I wanna learn too! Teach me too!

Russia: Oh, sure! But… promise me you won’t cry if your skin splits.

Italy: Eh?

Russia: And not to scream even if your muscles go riiiiip.

Italy: Eep?!

Russia: Even if your veins make popping noises?

Italy: Hyaaaaaa!! I’M SORRYYYYYY!!


Germany: In any case, who could have imagined that a day would come where every single student at W Academy was in attendance?

Japan: Everyone must really like sports. Incidentally, it seems that students whose performances are truly outstanding will receive medals made of gold.

Germany: Gold medals? I see. That certainly is a powerful motivator.

Narrator: And thus, with this and that going on, the Sports Festival was under way. This year, hopefully an overly excited Canada won’t have any backlash as a result, like some of his athletes losing energy to carry on after the Sports Festival, or throwing away their medals and going home, or even burning things.