- Translation by: hikari-kaitou
Italy: Hetalia 6 Axis Powers, limited edition drama CD!
All: W Academy Newspaper Club, Sports Festival Edition!
Narrator: This is W Academy. It’s a school that’s located somewhere in the world, attended by nations from all over the world, and is too strange for its own good. Grapple fights, exploding wallets, and declarations of war are a daily occurrence, but for the past few days, things have been pretty peaceful, and students who don’t care much for looming danger have been breathing a hundred sighs of relief, while fully relishing the peaceful daze surrounding them.
Narrator: And yet in the midst of this calm school life, it seems that there are some who find themselves in a bit of a bind because of it…
Germany: This is a pretty serious situation we’re caught up in.
Japan: Yes, this is truly the definition of being in a huge pinch.
Germany: I’ve been puzzling over this for days, and yet I still have no idea how to solve it. I’ve consulted all manner of experts and yet… this problem is just too difficult!
Japan: Ah, Germany-san! Please, you don’t need to tremble like that!
Germany: Why? Why now of all times… Why now of all times is nothing strange going on at this school?!
Germany: We only have 3 days until the newspaper club’s deadline! Why won’t a single thing worth writing an article about happen?! At this rate, we’ll have no choice but to make the whole issue about Italy’s art, poems or cooking talk, or even his romantic advice!
Japan: Indeed, that would hardly seem like a newspaper at all, would it?
Germany: If only I hadn’t made that careless promise that he could write anything he wanted in the event that we could find absolutely nothing else to write about! I’m sorry, Japan… This is all due to my mismanagement…
Japan: You’re still a student! You can’t start drinking!
Germany: Oh, uh, I guess not… But a beer shouldn’t be too… No, you’re right. I’ll restrain myself this time.
Japan: We’re a little over the legal drinking age, so it would probably be ok, but the rest of you need to obey the law.
Germany: Japan… Who were you just addressing that to?
Germany: But just now—
Germany: Alright, fine. I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear it, then… But we can’t simply make up things that didn’t happen to write about… this is quite a difficult situation.
Japan: Oh, come to think of it, I heard that you got first place in the European Class Unfunniest Student Championship. Shall we use that for our front page article?
Germany: Why would we go to the trouble of drawing the attention of the whole student body to how unfunny I am?!
Japan: I apologize.
Germany: Besides… I’m willing to bet that most people reading it would just think to themselves “I thought so.”
Japan: Oh no, surely…
Germany: Humor, huh? …That’s an awfully difficult issue…
Japan: Yes, it certainly is difficult.
Italy: *bursts in through the door* Ciao! Earlier as I was skipping along over there, I got distracted by a pretty girl and then got the holy sword of the mysterious statue by the school gate of the person no one seems to know stuck in my side~! *blood spurts from his side*
Germany: Quit bursting in here with terrifying greetings like that! How the heck were you even walking in order for that to happen?! Are you ok? We need to get you straight to the nurse’s office!
Japan: Italy-kun, this is no job for the nurse’s office! We need to get you to the hospital immediately!
Italy: You guys are such exaggerators! Look, *yanks out the sword* I’m fine! I’m fine!
Japan: He took it out!
Italy: See? I’m fine, right? Either way, I can’t help feeling that that statue has it out for me personally. Maybe that statue is actually a woman and she’s interested in me!
Germany: You complain that I’m hurting you when I put you in even a gentle armlock. What’s with this weirdly localized toughness of yours?!
Italy: Germany’s bulky muscles are a lethal weapon! It’s not the same at all!
Japan: I’ll fill out an appeal for the removal of the mysterious statue by the school gate of the person no one seems to know holding the holy sword.
Germany: Please do.
Italy: *rustles some papers* Ve! That’s right! Praise me! Praise me! I wrote my newspaper article for this month! “A collection of the things that girls around the world love!” You can use it when you’re flirting!
Germany: *growls with frustration and anger*
Italy: I’m… sowwy…
Japan: No, I think it’s great, Italy-kun.
Italy: Yay ❤
Germany: Italy, who never makes his deadlines, wrote an article on time, and yet I…
Japan: Germany-san… It’s nothing to get so upset about!
Italy: Huh? Huh? Huh?
Japan: Ahh… Things around school have been too peaceful lately so we have nothing to write our articles about this time.
Italy: Oh, you can’t find anything to write about? I see… In that case, we should just make this issue about the Sports Festival! I’ll be in charge of taking pictures of pretty girls!
Germany: The upcoming Sports Festival, huh? Until just a little bit ago, we’d decided we wouldn’t be able to use the Sports Festival as material because it ended too late for us to get our manuscripts done on time.
Italy: Oh, right. That’s too bad.
Japan: No, considering our predicament, I think we should go with the Sports Festival. In regards to the deadline, it would mean that we’d have to pull an all-nighter to write the day of the Sports Festival, but we can’t get ourselves out of this pickle without making some sacrifices. Let’s do it!
Italy: Eeek! An all-nighter?! I see… there’s the print deadline to consider. Wawawawawa~ This sounds like a lot of work!
Germany: That’s true. If we publish our Sports Festival article right after the Sports Festival ends, that should help ensure a greater amount of interest in it… But you seem unusually confident today, Japan.
Japan: Time is money! Let’s do our best to meet our deadline. We have no choice but to meet it!
Germany: You’re right about that. Our newspaper club has never once missed a deadline! Just because we have nothing to write about, doesn’t mean we should just lie back and quit trying! Japan’s right!
Italy: Hawawawa~ Hawawawawa~ Looks like I managed to light a strange flame under these two’s feet.
Germany: In that case, it’s settled! We’ll be using the Sports Festival for our front page article this time! We’ll gather at 5 AM the day of and give total coverage of the event, and then stay up all night writing the article!
Japan: Yes! It’ll be a rough battle on the day of the Sports Festival, but let’s put our hearts and souls into it and do our best!
Italy: Ve ve ve! Even Leonardo DaVinci had works that he set aside for 10 years! Surely it would be ok if I took the day of the Sports Festival off! Ve ve~ Right?
Germany: All of us will be present to give it our all! Japan! And you too, Italy!
Italy: Wahhh~! This is what I get for running my mouth~! I’m such a dummy!
Japan: Let’s work hard, Italy-kun!
Italy: I wonder if I can really work that hard… Oh, that’s right! While we’re pulling our all-nighter, if there were a cute girl who would be impressed by that, I could work super hard!
Germany: As if there’re any gorgeous benevolent women who would waste their time being impressed by club activities like ours!
Narrator: “I just wanna be able to sleep when I’m tired,” Italy was thinking at the time.
Italy: Ve~ being able to sleep when you’re tired is a blessing, huh?