Hetalia Fantasia 3 – Track 01 “Come One Come All Fantasia”

Liet (Lithuania): Ah, I’m so, so busy. Just when I think the economy’s recovered a little, I end up being this busy! Ohh, I just want to relax and spend an entire day eating the pointy portions of Sakotis right now…

Liet’s Boss: Hey! Make sure you send all these documents overseas too!

Liet: All right! Ugh, more work… Maybe I should build a tower out of this mountain of documents just like that thing in France’s home.

Liet’s boss: Hurry it up!

Liet’s Boss: Who are you, and what’s with that greeEEENNN-

Liet: I’m so tired…

*phone rings*

Liet: I’m coming! Hold on, just wait! Ah!

*cartoon fall*

Liet: I knew I shouldn’t have left that over there! Now the floor’s covered in seaweed and chicken breasts.

Liet: Hello?

Poland: Gdzie są toalety (Where’s the toilet)? What up, Liet?

Liet: Go down the hall from that telephone and the bathroom door is the one in the corner. What do you want today, and how do you know when I’m at my busiest?

Poland: I knew that!

Liet: Then why is this the 36th time, today included, you’ve asked that question?

Poland: Lame-o! Man, I can’t believe you don’t know Polish greetings! It’s, like, a Polish rule to ask where the toilet is when you meet someone!

Liet: Isn’t hello “dzień dobry”?

Poland: Well, I guess you can, like, say that, too.

Liet: ……Anyway, what do you want today?

Poland: Let’s go dragon slaying and junk!

Liet: …My boss is foaming at the mouth mad right now. I’m hanging up.

Poland: Wait!

Liet: No I won’t.

Poland: Wait!

Liet: I already said no.

Poland: Dude, why not?! Oh my gosh, like how can you not want to slay a dragon?

Liet: It’s impossible! If this was the 15th century, then sure! Right now there’s no way I can do it with my back and hips like this!

Poland: Well I, like, got that totally covered! I’ll just use my magic and do a little BAM and a little BOOM and some Popolpourri~ to help!

Liet: …I’m hanging up.

Poland: Wait!

Liet: No.

Poland: Take that! I, like, cast a waiting spell on ya!

Liet: Ugh… Damn it, that’s not fair!

Liet: In any case, I can’t slay anything like a dragon!

Poland: Aw, you’ll be all right even if you have, like, a bent back and disaster zone hair! All you gotta do is turn on your computer, login, and then beep you press the button! Totally easy, right?

Liet: Huh? Ahhhh, so that’s what you’re talking about! You’re talking about an online game.

Poland: Like, what did you think I was talking about?

Liet: I thought it was just another one of your lala land stories that I can’t even comprehend.

Poland: I am so not that weird! Totally not!

Liet: …Aren’t you always like that?

Poland: So like, let’s play this online game! Let’s totally slay a dragon together.

Liet: Sorry. I can’t even do something like that at the moment. I’ll try and make some time this weekend at night, so your dragon slaying will have to wait until then. I think I can probably handle doing something like that on a computer.

Poland: Gah! I wanna play now.

Liet: Not now. Now’s the worst time for me to play. Understand?

Poland: Yeah, whatever. I’ll do it myself. I’ll totally slay a dragon by myself!

Liet: Huh? You’ll be all right? You’ll really be all right?

Poland: Of course!

Liet: Are you really, really sure that you’ll be fine without me? Are you really sure you’ll be fine?

Poland: I-I’ll totally be fine!

Liet: Can you really turn on the computer, adjust the settings, connect to the internet, download the game, install said game, and clear the tutorial all by yourself?

Poland: I can! I’ll be fine!

Liet: Are you really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY going to be all right?

Poland: …I… I’ll be fine…

Liet: Make sure you stop as soon as you think something weird’s happening, all right?

Poland: I’ll be peachy. You’re too much of a worrywart, Liet. I should totally be the one worrying! I’m, like, just gonna beam Germany’s character a bit with a Polandball and junk. I can totally do that alone.

Liet: Ack, don’t do that! Whatever you do, don’t ever do that!

Poland: Well then, how about if I cover his character’s body with a totally rad pink color if I meet him?

Liet: Ah… I guess that should be okay.

Poland: Awesome!

Liet: *sigh* I’ve got to go back to work now.

Poland: Remember: this weekend!

Liet: Yes, yes, I promise that I’ll remember.

*hangs up*

Liet: *Sigh* As usual, I’ve had another bizarre conversation with Poland. Hm… Well actually, I’m kinda psyched up in a weird way now. I can get through my work… I guess.

Liet: H-Huh… Don’t tell me he’s going to call me now just when I feel like I’m gonna collapse…

Liet: He wouldn’t… would he?

Liet: I’ve got more work!

Narrator: Let us now change scenes to the Hetalia Fantasia Developers’ Room.

America: *Yawn* Man, when you just keep staring at a screen all the time, you just wanna smash something with a bat. I really wanna pulverize a rugby ball for no reason right now.

Japan: It is such a slow, dreadful pace that it does make one rather envious. I myself see a computer at work and on my breaks a computer.

America: Well then, should I smash this computer to bits?

Japan: I know you are serious when you say that so please do not do it! I also expect that you will upload your destruction onto HetaTube, correct?

America: Hahahahaha! You really are a sharp one, ya know? Now I feel like smashing my computer into tiny bits after what you said!

Japan: Please don’t do it! Err, and Mr. America… Would you please spare a moment and take a look at this?

America: Hm, what is it? Is there something wrong with a player?

Japan: Yes. This is the player I speak of. Ever since he has started playing Hetalia Fantasia, his level, his Heta (in-game money), and the items and equipment he currently possesses are unsurpassed. He is already the top player in the game, and he plays very frequently.

America: Don’t these kinds of players appear often in online games though?

Japan: It goes a little beyond that, or I should rather say that he is behaving like a monster. I myself still do not have a concrete grasp on this player, but there are various records about this person.

America: Behaving like a monster?

Japan: Indeed. He has a bird that rides on his shoulder, makes a clink clank sound because of all the items he has equipped, and has the appearance of a knight. According to records, he appears as quick as the wind and uses a skill that nobody has ever seen before, the lines he says when he is interacting with a player is cheesy, he also appears riding on a white horse claiming to do do missionary work, thrashes the player, and then plunders the player’s inventory and money. There is also an incident where a Russian player made him kneel and cry. We are receiving a great number of mails about this player as we speak. There are even topics appearing in the official forums about whether this player is a ghost or a robot.

America: That is a weird guy!

America: Hmm… Mm, you’re right! When I look at the data, I see he hasn’t been sleeping much, and I can’t even imagine how he managed to level up so fast in such a short time. Moreover, just look at the crazy number of players he’s killed! He’s most certainly a monster! Yup, This guy is suspicious alright! Okay Japan, why don’t we go and get in touch with this player right now?

Japan: Indeed. Let us go!

America: All right. He should be around here somewhere, right?


Japan: I see that that weapon is as violently huge as ever.

America: Big things are great things~!

Japan: He has arrived.

America: Hey, you there! Can we have a sec with you?

Prus- er ?: Is this night I witness reality or just a fabrication? It seems that a few unorthodox guests have appeared.

*?’s bird caws*

Japan: Pardon us. We are sorry to bother you, Mr. Black and White Knight of the Dark Night… but we would like to discuss something wi-

*Knight unsheathes sword*

Knight: All who dare stand in my path, whoever they may be, shall be granted death.

Japan: P-please wait for a-


Japan: Please sto-


Japan: Ah!

America: Hey stop! We’re the producers and developers of Hetalia Fantasia! This is your only warning! Stop now or I shoot!

Knight: The Dark Night engulfs all in its path. A feeble mortal such as yourself is a mere speck.

*bird caws*

America: Shit! Don’t say that I didn’t warn you. I’m gonna use the strongest gun in the game on you now!

Knight: Pitiful…

*bird caws*

*Knight smacks blast away*

America: Wha-?!

Knight: Now repent and return to the darkness, foolish soul.

America: Waah! Wh-what the hell is that?! I’ve never seen that skiiiiiiii-

Japan: Ah! Mr. Americaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Japan: Ah… defeated!

*bird caws*