- Based on “Supersize You!”
- Translation by: splatteredminds
- LJ Post
Announcer: Supersize You!
England: Say, America.
America: Hm, what is it? *munches on food*
England: Is it really fine for you to be eating hamburgers like that, day after day?
America: *voice is muffled from his extra weight* Everything is fine! As the flavor changes every day, I never get sick of them.
England: No, that’s not the issue here… Look, that, uhm… Is that really alright for you weight and your health?
America: Eh? Yeah! I’m clearly in perfect shape!
England: For real?
America: Of course! That’s you alright, England, questioning every little thing!
*England pokes at America*
America: Hey, don’t touch my tummy! That tickles!
England: It feels a bit plump.
America: I-it’s not that chubby! Uh… huh. Yup. Probably. It’s alright, everything is ok.
England: I knew that you had gained some weight! How much weight have you gained?
America: T-that’s… A national secret!
America: This is bad… This is really bad… At this rate, England will start calling me pudgy again and I’ll be the target of some British jokes. If I don’t revert back…
France: *walks by, humming*
America: Oh, France!
France: Hm, America? What has happened? You have an uncommonly worried expression on your face.
America: That’s right! France’s always eating something nice, but he’s pretty slim!
America: Ah, I wish I had a body like yours.
France: Hm? Those are pretty nice words to come out of America’s mouth. Could you possibly have fallen in love with me?
America: No, I was just wondering if you could tell me how you manage to have such a splendid body. Oh, no, it’s not like I’m worried about my own body figure. England… Yes, that’s right, England was saying how he weighs over 189kg now and I thought I’d like you to tell me if you have a way of getting him on a diet.
France: I was with him just a bit ago… But was it really 189kg? I guess you can’t judge a person from their appearance. A good way to go on a diet… A good way to go on a diet, is it? Oh yes. Wouldn’t exercising be the best?
America: You mean… things like jogging?
France: Hm… jogging, you say?
America: Ah, then how about that thing that was popular some time ago…
France: Ah. The stuff you always buy through the mail and then ends up rotting in your drawers?
America: How’d you know about it? Gosh, you better not tell anyone about that!
France: Very well, Big Brother shall give you a fair amount of good advice. Exercising won’t last long if it’s not fun. It has to be something you’d want to do every day.
America: So, you mean?
France: After all, it’s to go *beep* intense *beep* at night and it’ll make you sweat a lot. Yes, afterwards both of you have a bath, and then you’ll get excited all over again. And, before you know it, you’re in the second round. Afterwards, it’s…
America: It’s enough already!
France: What? Right where I was getting to the best part…
America: Ah, well, thank you. See ya…
France: I see. You’re still growing, so I don’t think you need to worry so much. Well, just do your best. *walks away*
America: Ehh? You knew I was talking about me? You’re so mean… Thanks, I’ll try my best.
Narrator: From then on, America made his way through the world in order to find an efficient way to go on a diet.
Germany: Let’s see… Exercising is the best option! Number one, exercising. Number two, exercising. Three and four are beer. Number five is exercising!
America: *using a shovel?* Eghh… eghh… Enough! I’ve had enough of digging holes!
Italy: Uhm, let’s see… Eat, sing, play football and sleep! That’s the best there is.
America: I weigh even more now!
Russia: Alright, I’ll make you lighter.
America: Hahaha! Russia, what’s that pointy thing you’re holding?
America: *deflated sigh* It’s impossible. I don’t want to carry on as the guy England keeps making jokes about.
Japan: America-san, what’s the matter?
America: Eeee! Ah… Japan, please don’t scare me like that.
Japan: I’m sorry. It wasn’t really my intention to scare you.
America: Ah… Even my self-confidence has left me ever since my body became like this. Ah, shit.
Japan: Leaving that aside, has something happened? You don’t seem like your usual energetic self.
America: No, you see, the truth is… Hm? Now that I think of it… Japan, you’re pretty slim.
Japan: What are you talking about all of a sudden? Well, no one tells me I’m fat, that’s true enough.
America: Oh! I beg you! Won’t you tell me the way to become thin again?
>
Japan: That’s just… even if you want me to tell its secret… I don’t really do any exercise or anything and I also have three meals a day with snack time at three.
America: Th-that’s exactly what I’m doing now! How do you manage to keep thin even while doing that?
Japan: Ahh… When you put it like that, I don’t really know what to tell you. Might it be because of the Asian food?
America: *gasps* I know about it! Japanese food, right? Ah, Japan, I want to have some!
Japan: I don’t really mind. But I only have things like simmered hijiki and pumpkin.
America: No, I’m fine with it! Thank you very much, Japan! I did it! I finally did it! *laughs* Just you wait, England… You’ll never have another chance to call me pudgy!
Japan: America-san…
America: Hm?
Japan: Just for how long are you planning to stay here?
America: Hahaha! I have manga and I also have Japanese food, and as there are plenty of Japanese *beep* I can also get my dose of exercise. I’m worried as hell about becoming too slim in this place! Ddrruuhuhuu!
Japan: I’ve never heard of such a thing.
America: Being able to lose weight from eating these is like being in Heaven! Heaven, I tell you! Alright! It’s been long since I tried weighing myself! *gets on the scale*
Japan: Ah-
America: Ah, what’s this?! This is strange!!
Japan: *sighs* I wonder if I should tell him that his muscles weigh more than fat. Oh well, all’s well.