- Based on “Lithuania’s Outsourcing” Part 1 & Part 2
- Translation by: splatteredminds
- LJ Post
Announcer: Lithuania Works Away From Home
Narrator: This is a story of a time long, long ago when Lithuania was rather poor. Lithuania was taken by England, and came to America for some work.
Lithuania: Ahh… I’m so nervous…
England: Don’t worry, Lithuania. He may be a fool, but, more importantly, he’s not that bad a chap.
*they knock on America’s door*
America: Coming! *opens the door*
England: Yo. It’s been a while, America.
America: Yeah, I’ve been expecting you. Come on in, come on in.
*the door closes behind them.
England: Still, what a mess…
America: Honestly, England… You just got here and that’s the first thing you can say? What did you expect? It’s a guy’s house after all. I’m busy all the time.
England: But this might be perfect timing, actually.
America: Huh? Perfect timing for what?
England: Sorry for the late introduction. This is Lithuania. To cut to the chase, he’s looking for a place where he can work.
Lithuania: I-I-It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Lithuania.
America: Ohh! Nice to meet you! I’m America.
England: Truth is, it looks like he’s going through some difficult times at the moment. So I was wondering if you could let him work at your place until things calm down.
America: Oh, so that’s why you’ve come to my place? Hmm… I was also thinking I could use some free time. Perfect timing, indeed. Ah, so… Li-Li-Lithu… Lithu… whatever, where is your country anyway?
*a map is pulled out*
England: Would you cut that out already?! Get a map that doesn’t just have America on it!
America: Hahaha! This is my world, you know?
Lithuania: Hm, my home is… *draws across the map* If Mr. America’s is here… *circles a spot off the map* Then it’s around here.
America: Oh, it’s pretty close.
Lithuania: Huh? Mr. American seems to be such an honest person… That calms me down!
England: You… are you seriously saying that?
America: Dddrrruuuhu! What, England? You jealous?
England: As if!
Narrator: Thus, Lithuania’s daily life of work at America’s home began.
*a bell jingles*
Mail Carrier: Mail’s here!
England: There’s a lot of mail today. *shuffles through mail* Let’s see… France… Damn, that guy’s on his harassment wave again… he even put a kiss mark on it. I don’t even want to touch this. Oi, someone please throw this away.
Servant: Okay!
England: Next is… from Greece? Why is his postmark the avatar of a cat? Let’s see… Mm… Here’s one from Lithuania. The introduction did go well, but it’s <i>that</i> America we’re dealing with here. So I was wondering how he’s doing. *opens the letter* Let’s see, let’s see…
Dear Master England,
Are you doing well? A month has passed since my days together with Mr. America started. Currently, at Mr. America’s home, where I was asked to work, the weather is really fine. The hot days continue. While I’m here, I spotted some rare blue birds behind the house. They seem to be called “Blue Jay” and are apparently quite common in both America and Canada. But for me, everything is new. Day by day, I am enjoying my time here.
*scene changes and there are birds chirping*
Lithuania: Mr. America! Mr. America, it’s morning! Rise and shine.
America: *groans, half asleep* Thirty more minutes…
Lithuania: E-excuse me, but thirty minutes have aleady passed since the first time I came to wake you up.
America: *groans, still half asleep* Really… Is that so? That’s really great… Say… EHHH?! *jumps out of bed in a panic and starts getting ready* Eh, wait! What time is it now?! By the way, my-
Lithuania: It’s about 8 o’clock now. I saw your glasses on the bathroom sink.
America: This is bad! I’m gonna be late!!
Lithuania: The food is also prepared, so you just have to change your clothes, please.
America: Is that so? You’re a lifesaver!
Lithuania: The newspaper and your wristwatch are on the table. As for the necktie, I suppose one with stripes is fine, isn’t it?
America: Eh? I wonder about that… I’m meeting Mexico today, so maybe something more casual.
Lithuania: Well, let’s make it a cactus pattern, then. I think I can find the one Mr. Russia gave you.
America: Ah! It’s already this late?! I’m off! *runs out the door*
Lithuania: Have a safe trip! Please be careful.
*scene changes back to England’s place, Lithuania’s letter continues*
Really… this way of life… is beyond too easy!
England: This can’t be true, can it?!
Mr. America mutters from time to time that he wants to hang out with you, Mr. England. Please come over again to visit, if you don’t mind.
Sincerely yours.
England: Hm? To hang out, huh? Ah, but… I guess I can pay him a visit to check up on Lithuania.
*door opens*
America: Boy that’s rare for you to come over to my place.
England: I-it’s not like I came to visit you! I was just worrried about how Lithuania’s doing.
America: That so? Well, I guess we can leave it at that. Ah, want to drink something? I’ve only got coffee, though.
England: You… Are you still mad about our fight 150 years ago? Just cut it out and tell Lithuania to come here.
America: Hahaha. Calm down. Lithuania just went out to buy some things, but he should be back any second now.
*door opens, Lithuania walks in carrying bags*
Lithuania: I’m home!
America: Welcome back, Lithuania. England said he wanted to see you.
Lithuania: Oh, Mr. England! Did you have some business with me?
England: Yo. Are you doing well?
Lithuania: Yes! I’ve been in really high spirits! Ah, just give me a moment… this kid just refuses to let go of me.
*alien sounds*
Lithuania: Really… Am I not always telling you that it’s bad to sneak up on people like that?
Tony: No, what’s bad is Lithuania always playing with that whale.
America: Hahahaa. That’s just ’cause Lithuania’s so popular.
England: *pulls Lithuania aside and whispers* O-oi, can I ask you something, Lithuania?
Lithuania: Yes? What might it be?
England: How did you manage to become so versatile?
Lithuania: Hmm, let’s see… If you live together with Poland twenty-four-seven, and get Mr. Russia to mess with you, you’ll figure out my secret.
England: Egh… That’s… I see.
England: Well, Lithuania seems to be doing fine, so that puts me at ease.
America: Yup, just leave it to me. Cultural exchange with foreign countries is my specialty.
England: I think you’re just absorbing cultures rather than engaging in cultural exchange.
America: You’re cynical till the very end, aren’t you?
Lithuania: Mr. England, I’m very grateful for your concern. Everything is fine on my end.
England: Guess so. Well then, till next time.
*door opens*
America: Lithuania…
Lithuania: Hm? What’s the matter, Mr. America?
America: S-say… for today… would you mind if we sleep together?
Lithuania: Ah, alright. I understand.
*they climb into bed*
America: Ah! You’re a lifesaver! I’d never be able to sleep alone today.
Lithuania: You’re always like this after seeing something scary?
America: Yes. But when I was a child, I’d always ask England if I could stay with him.
Lithuania: Oh, that’s nice.
America: However, he’d always fall asleep before me, so I ended up having scary thoughts, either way.
Lithuania: Oh that Mr. England… But, I mean… he hasn’t change a bit since you were a child, then.
England: He’s always been like that.
Lithuania: *laughs* Even so, Mr. England is quite a nice person, isn’t he? I think he’s quite an interesting person.
America: I wonder about that… He’s sarcastic, gets angry right away… He also sees illusions. *chuckles*
Lithuania: But you seem to be quite chipper whenever you talk to him, Mr. America.
America: You think so?
Lithuania: When I was a child, I’d always sleep with Poland, too.
America: Oh, that old friend of yours?
Lithuania: Yes. But he’d always steal my blanket, so in the end we ended up sleeping in separate places.
America: Now that you mention it, you broke up with Poland didn’t you? Why did you do that? You were a major power when you were together, weren’t you?
Lithuania: Ah, that was… You see, Mr. Russia… You can’t really win against a strong person, right? That has been our destiny since we were born.
America: Huh?
Lithuania: We only became dominant in agriculture, and we were already pretty beaten up even before the fight. We did fight till our last, but… But, in the end, all we managed to do was get even more wounded than before.
America: Ahh… I see… I’m sorry.
Lithuania: Heh. It’s fine. Looking back on it now, it was so much fun being pushed around by Poland back then.
America: Do you ever think about getting back together with him?
Lithuania: *laughs* If that’d be possible… it’d be nice, wouldn’t it?
America: I’d help you, for the sake of justice.
Lithuania: If such days… come once more… Then surely…
America: If you’re that timid, you’ll never do anything.
Lithuania: Let’s plant a wheat field together… …once again. *falls asleep*
America: Lithuania?
Lithuania: *snores softly*
America: Lithuania, have you fallen asleep? Wai… Li- Wai… don’t leave me alone! Didn’t I tell you I get scared when I’m alone?! Hey, you! LITHUANIAAAA!!
Narrator: And for several years, America and Lithuania lived in peace. Then Lithuania was taken away by Russia.