- Based on “Prologue” from Axis Powers Hetalia Vol 1
- Translation by: splatteredminds
- LJ Post
Announcer: Prologue
Germany: Long ago on earth there was a man who conquered the Mediterranean and gained control over everything. His name was… the Roman Empire. All the riches of this world, slaves, fame and vast territories. That man, who once held everything on the palm of his hand, completely vanished one day.
Germany: Time has passed and it is now A.D. 1900s.
Italy: Ve! Ve! Germany, Germany! My shoelace has come off! And I can’t tie it on my own…
Germany: I just told you how to do it, didn’t I?
Italy: Eh? You did? But it’s too difficult… *giggles* Uhm… *fusses with his laces* If I mess around like this…
Germany: Just go down on one knee. *demonstrates how to tie the laces* Do it just like that, and don’t take your eyes off your shoelaces.
Italy: Uhyoo~ *tries tying his laces* Ah! I did it! Ah, and I’m also hungry. I want to have pizza for lunch. One with tons of cheese and tomatoes! Ah, did you know? A pizza without tomatoes is called Bianca. That’s a bit of trivia about Italy. Even if it may not seem so, I’m pretty particular about my food.
*sounds of walking*
Germany: Hey, you, don’t look away! We still have two hours before we eat. Besides, under these circumstances, I’d say pizza’s out of the question.
Italy: Eh, really? Okay. Hah! Awesome! There is a triangle shaped object over there! In the middle of the desert, there is a big triangle! Uhyoo~! Awesome!
Germany: Will you shut up aleady?!
Germany: Once, sailing around the seven seas, winning battle after battle, a man who was known as the center of the world. He controlled the entire area of the Mediterranean. For 1000 years, he lived in splendor. He was the Roman Empire. I have never met him, but he is, so to speak, our predecessor. Um, well, to tell you the truth… How to put this… He is also the person I admire most.
*sounds of walking*
Italy: Ah, Captain! I have sand in my shoes!
Germany: I can’t believe this. No, more like something I don’t want to belive in… This good-for-nothing. No… This guy, Italy, is his descendant. He’s the one who tried to pick a fight with an already-exhausted France and ended up getting beaten half to death. He even got beaten up by his fellow Axis Power, Bulgaria. It’s unbelievable. It is truly unbelievable.
Italy: Uwah? What’s this? There’s something weird in here-GYAAHHHHHHH!!! It stabbed me! It’s a scorpion! A scorpiooooon!!
Germany: By the way, the first time I met him was on the battlefield.
*flashback begins*
*sounds of birds chirping in the forest as Germany walks through the brush*
Germany: What’s with this peaceful border crossing? That was the first time I was able to eat a wurst inside the border. Even if I spot an enemy, he runs off somewhere right away. Is this a dream? Weapons and white flags lie scattered on the ground. And, aside from them, nothing but empty wine bottles.
Germany: No… I can’t afford to let my guard down. My opponent is Italy. I’m sure he’s got something up his sleeve. This has to be some sort of trap to get me to let my guard down. I must be cautious…
*startled, he stops*
Germany: What’s this wooden box? “Pomo… Pomodoro?” If I’m not mistaken, that means “tomato” in Italian. But what’s it doing in a place like this? It couldn’t possibly be… a time bomb, could it?! I think I’ll try poking it…
*taps the box lightly*
???: Whoa!
Germany: AHHH!!
???: H-hi! I’m the tomato-box fairy! I’ve come here to be your friend. Let’s play together!
Germany: This is… There isn’t a person inside… is there?
???: There’s no one inside.
*Germany tries to force the box open*
???: D-don’t open it!
*box won’t open*
Germany: Dammit! This tomato box is pretty tightly closed.
*strains harder to open it and the box creaks*
???: Ow! W-w-wait! Uhm, s-s-stop it! What good would it do you to search me?!
Germany: It’s not like I brought a nail pull with me or anything like that. Now that it’s come to this, even if I have to destroy the box to get it open…
???: Please stop being so violent!
Germany: Who are you? Show yourself!
*box finally cracks open*
Germany: It opened! Say… you’re…
Italy: Uwahhhh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m no tomato-box fairy! Please don’t shoot me! Forgive me! I’ll do anything, so please don’t shoooooot!
*flashback ends*
Germany: Even our first meeting was like this…
Italy: What’s wrong? If you keep frowning, you’ll have wrinkles all around and you’ll look even older than you already do.
Germany: Say, Italy… Even if it’s just for a little bit, could you keep quiet?
Germany: Yes, that’s why currently he’s become something of an ally… or a friend. One can’t really rely on him.
Italy: Ah, and then, while I was walking around town, suddenly some really cute girls-
Germany: Alright, Italy! This is a piece of chocolate. If you want it, you’ll have to keep quiet for the next two hours.
Italy: Ah, I want it! How did you know exactly what I wanted, Germany? Awesome! You gotta be psychic! Gimme, gimme!
Germany: Alright. Then, keep quiet from now on.
Italy: Roger, copy that! From this moment on, I won’t open my mouth! Starting right now! But if I keep silent, I’ll be extremely quiet! But, even so, I’ll shut up!
Germany: That’s why I told you to keep quiet!
Italy: Alright, alright, roger that! Okay, I’ll keep my mouth shut, and then I’ll become amazingly quiet!
Germany: *exasperated grunt*
Italy: *takes in a deep breath* Nn~ Mmm~!
Germany: Very well. Do you hear me? Just like that is fine.
Italy: Mm!
Germany: For two hours, do you understand?
Italy: Mm!!
Germany: *pleased sigh* With this, it has finally become quiet. Okay, let’s get going then.
Italy: Hm-mm~ *starts humming*
Germany: *irritated grunt*
Italy: Ah-ha! Oh, that’s right! Come to think of it, the girls I met yesterday at that village had big, round eyes and were so cute.
Germany: I mean… I told you TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!
*elsewhere*
England: Ahh… Germany’s way too loud today, too.
France: That is one of summer’s traditions.