- Based on “England and Japan’s Ghost Culture”
- Rough Translation by: Nosuri
- Gaia Online
Japan: It was… the time I just formed an alliance with England-san. I, Japan, visited and made efforts to establish friendly relationships with the European countries.
Japan: I went to Germany to borrow some oil, but it took me so long… The sun is already down, and it’s a little cold. I better get home fast and make dinner. Ah! There’s someone at the entrance…
UK: Ah! Hey… Japan…
Japan: Oh! England-san, what is the matter, at this hour?
UK: Ah… this… I didn’t actually want to see you… Since we went all the way to make an alliance, and I thought… It’s not that I took this occasion to look at Japanese culture…
Japan: Really? Since I had the honor to form an alliance with you, please stay and experiment Japanese culture.
UK: Ah, yeah! There’s a mountain near here… Is that Mount Fuji?
Japan: No. It’s just a mountain.
UK: What… I had the feeling there was something strange on that mountain, so I thought it was.
Japan: It’s a perch for the Tengu [Tengu no koshikake: it makes me suppose it’s Mt.Takao, near Tokyo, because there’s a place with this name] In the past, a creature called Tengu would appear and get people in trouble.
UK: So… is it a bad guy?
Japan: Hmm. It is also a mountain deity, so, you cannot say Tengu are evil.
UK: Tengu, is it? It… waved at me.
Japan: (How… should I reply to this?)
UK: Hey, Japan.
UK: The voices of those children were quite noisy before.
Japan: Re-really? I-I am sorry. (I… actually live alone…)
UK: Though they seemed to be having fun!
Japan: (Maybe he’s tired from the long trip…) England-san, I think it’s better if you take your bath first.
UK: Oh… yeah?
[Some characters here use a non-standard version of Japanese. I’ll translate as normal English because a) it’s better and b) I don’t even have a good command of standard English itself…]
UK: Hmmm. Japan was behaving strangely before… Are these cultural differences? Or… did I do something strange?
Kappa 1: Ah, there’s a human sir, here!
Kappa 2: Sorry, we’ll leave right away!
UK: No, I don’t care if you stay here…. (But who are they?)
Kappa 1: Thank you, sir! Aah, I didn’t introduce myself! I am a Kappa. I have lived in Japan for a long time.
Kappa 2: Sir! May I wash your back?
UK: Ah no, no, it’s ok. Kappa? Ah, we just met, but I’d like you to teach me in detail about Japanese culture. I’ve just made an alliance with him, but I don’t understand much…
Kappa 1: But of course! There’s no one who knows Japanese culture better than us!
UK: Thank you very much.
Kappa 2: First, a glass of this. It’s a liquor made from rice, called nihonshuu [That’s what we commonly know as sake. Nihonshuu means just “Japanese liquor”, literally] Stop, stop, stop. A whole glass!
UK: …Oh… It’s good!
Kappa 2: You have a good taste, sir!
Kappa 1: Sir! Have you eaten sushi?
UK: Ah… is that… raw fish above rice?
Kappa 1: Ah, that’s what all foreigners imagine, isn’t it? That has been made recently. It’s a thing made in Edo period [1615 – 1868] by a person called Hanaya Yohei [who is known as the inventor of nigirizushi, that is the kind of sushi with a little oval ball of rice and a slice of fish over it].
UK: I didn’t know it…
Kappa 1: [It’s talking about a fish from a place I can’t get… sorry.] …and globefish from Akan [a town in Hokkaido] is still popular!
UK: Does the fish change depending on the place? …I’d like to eat those.
Kappa 1: But… this world has become difficult to live in–
UK: I UNDERSTAND! I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND! They join their currencies [Euro anyone?], stock prices are never stable…
Kappa 2: Sir? Would you like one more glass of that?
UK: Ah… What was Japan like in the past?
Kappa 1: Well, Japan was set apart from other countries, so we couldn’t get what we got before, it was hard… [not sure on this]
UK: It seems like my place…
Kappa 1: That period continued for some hundreds years, it was controlled by Tokugawa-san [Tokugawa Ieyasu and family gained the power as shogun around 1615, and continued to mantain the role of head of government until 1868. During that period Japan was “closed” to the rest of the world, as in the commerce and relations with other countries were forbidden, a part from some trade with the Chinese and the Dutch at Nagasaki. This period is called either Edo – from the old name for Tokyo – or Tokugawa.], but it was peaceful.
UK: Me too, once the King came from Scotland, once he came from Germany… a lot of things happened.
Kappa 1: You sir were toubled too, weren’t you? Oh well, another glass!
UK: S-stop, stop. Thanks.
Kappa 2: No, no.
Japan: Hmm. England-san is late. I heard people from over there don’t stay long [in the bath… ouch!] Maybe he felt dizzy for the heat? It would be terrible if he fainted, shall I go and see?
UK: I’ve finished. It was a nice bath.
Japan: It took you a long time. Dinner is ready.
UK: Ohh I’m sorry, I was talking to the guys who were already there, I had a lot of fun. They’re awesome guys.
Japan: Is… Is that so? (But I said I live alone…)
UK: Yeah. Ah, they gave me a medicine or something…
Japan: THAT…IS THE KAPPA MIRACULOUS MEDICINE! [said to cure everything, I think]
UK: Yeah, that. Eh…Japan?
Japan: EH! AH… How do you… ah… no… But… ah… eh… eeh…
UK: (Did I do something strange again? Japanese culture is difficult…)
UK: Still, you made a luxurious dinner.
Japan: That’s common in my house.
UK: A-Ah… really?
Japan: Your tea, and a hand towel. It’s hot, so please be careful.
UK: Ooh… it’s good! So, I’ll start…
Japan: Yes, please, eat.
UK: This is so good! How is it called?
Japan: Ah, this is called nikujaga, I tried to imitate your beef stew, but it didn’t end up very good…
UK: Well, well… “Failure teaches success”, there’s this common saying… Isn’t it good?
Japan: Well… Thanks to you, now it’s Japanese cuisine, isn’t it?
UK: Hmm, what is this brown thing?
Japan: This is called Koyadofu, you can think of it as a firm tofu made from soy.
UK: Gh! Something white came out.
Japan: Koyadofu is a food thought by the monks who lived in Mt. Koya during Kamakura period [1185 – 1333]. Under Tokugawa-san, it was called koridofu too. In Meiji period [1868 – 1912] artificially refrigerated tofu was possible, so it made its way onto common people’s tables too. People use to bring it back to water, and put it in the soup as a flavoring.
UK: I see. Hm… It’s good!
Japan: Hn? Wasn’t something making a noise, now?
UK: Isn’t it the sound of them finishing their bath too?
Japan: (Though I live alone…”They”?) That’s… definitely not the sound of the wind…
UK: There’s a noise coming from the entrance!
Japan: What is there!?
US: HELLO! HEY JAPAN, I CAME TO SEE YOU!
Japan: A… America-san?
UK: America! What are you doing here? And why did you burst through the entrance?
US: HAHAHAHA! Weeelll I came here by plane, and Japan is a bit narrow, you know? I didn’t have enough space to land, so I took the challenge and it ended up a bit like this!
UK: Where’s “a bit”, where?
Japan: America-san, please move your airplane somewhere else, and have dinner with us, if you don’t mind?
UK: H-Hey Japan, why are you so calm?
Japan: America-san is always so lively…
UK: (He’s used to it.)
US: Yeah, Japan is always so peaceful!
UK: You… you’re always annoying him, aren’t you? Japan has lots of problems too, you know?
US: W-WHY, ENGLAND? THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?
UK: I-I…I have an alliance with Japan!
US: Do you?
Japan: Sorry for keeping you waiting.
US: OOOHHH Japan’s luxurious DINNER!
Japan: Here it’s common, but…
US: Then I’LL START EATING! [itadakimasu… bon appetit? what you say when you start eating, anyway]
UK: Hey, America! If you keep eating like this, you’ll get fat even with Japanese food!
US: No problem! In that case I’ll do some training at the boot camp, so it’s ok!
UK: Wha…You’re always too loud! [Didn’t get the rest of the phrase, something about using eyes…]
US: *random eating noises*
UK: WHAT? DON’T UNDERESTIMATE MY BLACK TEA!
US: BLACK TEA ISN’T FOOD!
Japan: Well, well… There’re many ways to enjoy a meal…
US: Hey, Japan! Won’t you exchange your diet food with me?
UK: You should just eat natto [One of the most disgusting things in my life: treated soybeans which smell like a corpse and are all gooey and… disgusting. But people eat it for breakfast! And it’s told to be very good for you.]
Japan: There’s grated daikon too, but please England-san, America-san, don’t fight and eat all.
Japan: In the end, everybody spent the night in my house.
UK: Hnn… Hmmm….
Kappa 1: Sir… Sir!
UK: Hnnghh… Who’s there…?
Kappa 1: It’s me, sir!
UK: Oh, aren’t you the Kappa who was in the bath a while ago?
Kappa 1: Yeah. Thank you a lot for before!
UK: I had fun today! Let’s have a bath together tomorrow too!
Kappa 1: Ehhe… I won’t be here tomorrow. I’m going deep into the mountain.
Kappa 1: Yeah, I had my last bath today. Please come see me there too!
Kappa 1: We were told from the past that you over there were scary, but… we were being believed by people. Now times have changed, and maybe our existence will become just a legend soon.
UK: At this point?
Kappa 1: You talked to Japan-san, didn’t you? Because of this world…
Kappa 1: A-ah, right! This cucumber sauce, please give it to Japan-san.
UK: Sure, I’ll give it to him
Kappa 1: Well, it’s my last time here, but meeting you, sir, made me happy.
UK: You… won’t you feel lonely? I-isn’t it ok… if you stay a little longer?
Kappa 1: Ah, no, I’ve finished my time. But chatting with you made me feel happy.
UK: Well… let’s have a bath again sometime?
Kappa 1: Yes, let’s do that. Goodbye, sir!
UK: Be well.
Zashiki: Bye bye!
UK: Hm? This voice… You..!?
Zashiki: I’m a Zashiki Warashi [a child spirit living in houses]
UK: So you were the one being noisy before!
Japan: England-san, where are you…
UK: Wait, hey, stop!
Japan: E…England-san? Again… I’m living alone though… With whom is he…
US: Ahhh, England is seeing illusions again?
UK: S**t, you’re a kid but you’re fast… Hey wait…
US: Japan, it’s not good if you don’t take care of childr*yawns* … Good night…
Japan: Ehm… But I live alone…
Zashiki: Bye bye!